The Mad Happenings of a Glass Princess

I amaze myself sometimes. That sounds stuck up, but it isn't meant to be. I'm amazed at my strength and courage; most of the time I feel like a big sissy girl. I will have to concede that I'm not quite the handy gal that I thought I was. I was all excited about my $5 Lowe's storm door & my Great Dane sized dog door and the fact that I was going to attempt to install it all by myself. It started out fine--I got the saw horses out, I laid the door down, traced the template where I needed to cut the new opening for the dog door and got all the necessary tools out. I then proceeded to cut the new opening out when I hit some resistance and then caught a nasty smell. Oops... I cut thru B's saw horse. Anywhoo, I continued and got thru that part. By the time that was all over, B, J and L were all coming up my drive way offering to help. My heroes to the rescue again! J and I got the door attached to the larger door and then B took over with the hanging of the large door to the house. Once he started to drill, measure, drill, carry, move, temp hang, cut shims, temp hang again, I knew I would have never have made it by myself. NEVER! But I did learn so much by just watching him do things; L is very lucky to have him as a dad.
I guess I haven't talked about my other victories, have I? They are food victories. I'm making small steps to eating healthier overall and I couldn't be more excited. And! The part about it is that it hasn't been THAT bad. I'm not 'suffering', I'm not freaking out, I'm not doing what I have done every other time! And it feels awesome. I feel so liberated from this 'food is the enemy' thing. Yes, it has only been a week, but I feel that I have come so far. I'm not removing myself from social situations cause of food (like I did in the past), I am not ruining everyones meal by complaining or going on an on about food. I'm enjoying the company of my friends and being food sensible at the same time. Could there be anything better than that!? No, my friends, there is nothing better than that... that is how life should work and I'm so glad I've finally woken up to it.

I won a small battle today--screw that--I won a HUGE battle tonight!

One of my favorite foods on this planet is bread and butter. I LOVE IT. I seek it out. After running a few errands with the family tonight and trying to hit a local place to eat, we ended up going to Cracker Barrel. Okay me going to CB is like taking an alcoholic to a bar during happy hour. So, everyone is hungry and J asks the waitress for some biscuits and cornbread. OHMYGOSH--there is a huge stack of biscuits on the table. That is a particular bread that I'm in love with. They were calling TO me--"NICOLE, EAT US; SLAP SOME BUTTER ON US AND GOBBLE US UP" Did I eat one!? NO I DID NOT! Yay me! I'm so excited for myself. I just sat there and looked at Lan and thought about what I was going to do when I got home; what stuff needed to be done. And you know what.? It wasn't that horrible, I'm not missing it. The victory of NOT eating biscuits is better tasting then any bread & butter I would shove in my face.
I'm sure you can sense the grin on my face; I'm smiling ear to ear.

VICTORY WILL BE MINE. I WILL BEAT THIS--I WILL WIN!

I'm sick. That cutie neice of mine gave me a cold. I love her, but she could have kept this to herself. Oh-well.

I'm on Day 2 of my life style change. I'm not going to call it a diet, diet is a bad word. Diets don't work, but overall changes do. Day 1 went okay, I was tempted to eat just to eat, but then I didn't want to get up off of the couch cause I was comfy, so that seemed to save me.

Day 2 is kinda rocky. I forgot my lunch and dinner at home, so I had to go get SubWay for lunch. By the time I headed out to get that, I had begun to get the shakes cause I waited too long between meals. I broke down and got 2 peanut butter cookies... guess how many points that is!? 10.5!!! for two cookies. that is a third of my daily points! can you believe that! But I recorded everything I ate, and I guess that is the most important thing, right!?

Wow, where in the hell did 2007 go? Oh, wait, I know... it was spent stressing out about selling the townhouse and building the new house. I also spent it not taking care of myself mentally, physically or emotionally. I watched another year go by being miserable and whining to my friends about how miserable I was. Every year, every birthday, every day, every hour, I 'wish' for something better.
Let's define 'better'. I have this idea that somewhere behind the scenes of my life that there is a stack a dominos (this is the only way I can explian it). Each domino is a different 'wish'. The dominos are lined up like this: lose weight->be noticed by men -> dates -> share stories with my friends about my dates (like they used to do) -> fall madly in love -> spend my life with a wonderful guy; there is also another branch off of 'lose weight' -> gain confidence -> be wonderfuly creative -> have my work sold in galleries -> make enough money to pay of joel -> make $ to travel and take pictures in all corners of the World -> meet a man... blah, blah, blah. But these dominos are false. Do I live in a movie? No, this is 'real life', nothing works out that way, and the sooner that I can wake up and be honest with myself, I can actually move forward and not live in some crazy magic land. Last night while waiting for folks to come over, I came up with a list of things I want to change in my life.

1. I will not make myself feel insignificant because of other people's actions
2. If people don't have time or respect for me, it will be reciprocated. I'm done waiting on folks.
3. I am smart, funny and a good person
4. Be healthy, I am worth it.
5. You will not be defined by what others do or not do.
6. It is okay that you don't want to be a mother.
7. Be creative, let things flow, don't analyze.
8. Sell you work, sell your creativity. Present yourself to others like you see yourself in your head.
9. Smile! So what if your face is fat; that will change in time.
10. Shop wisely, make your $ go further. Make it work for you.
11. Wear lip color.
12. BE HAPPY!!! I DESERVE IT!!!

So, there it is, my list--THE LIST. I need to live by this, I need to take it day by day, moment by moment. 2008 is going to be a great year! MY YEAR!