The Mad Happenings of a Glass Princess

tomorrow will be 13 weeks since my surgery. I'm down 33lbs and loving every second of it. I found a pretty good therapist that deals with eating issues, and it has helped just seeing her the few times that I have. It is definitely something I need to continue to do, just like getting my protein in (I've been having horrible carb cravings, uggg), vitamins and water. Every day is a new day.

So, the weight loss boards are full of folks having NSVs all the time. I've had a few in the form of clothes that I can now wear and bras/panties that I've had to throw away b/c they are too big, but tonight's NSV kinda made me giddy. I've been taking yoga at the gym and I love it. Every time I go I see improvement on my balance and my strength; it really is an amazing exercise. Well tonight, we were doing a new pose and she asked us to look in the mirror and double check our stance. I looked in the mirror and I saw one girl, I passed her up and kept looking for myself. I couldn't find 'me'. I was looking for a bigger girl, the girl that I saw the first time was ME!!! I don't even recognize myself in the mirror! I wanted to come out of the pose and do a small dance, but of course I didn't. I just stayed focused and did a mental happy dance. I just had to blog that tonight, I couldn't let that one get away.

This surgery is the best thing ever. I had a semi-freak out moment this weekend, but I pulled myself together after being helped through it. I'm far from being 'fixed'--whatever that is anyway. But I'm on my way to a healthier and happier Nicole. And that my friends, is what this journey is about.

Hugs!

I want to drop a quick post before I go to Yoga this evening...

I hit the big 3-0 this morning! 30 pounds lost! I cannot believe it! And what I really can't believe is this high I have going. I'm so in awe how my life has changed in the 11 weeks since I had my surgery. I feel my confidence climb as my body shrinks. I feel so healthy, it truly is an amazing thing.

One thing that has been on my mind lately is the advice that I've gotten from friends. My gosh am I a lucky person--I have some of the best people standing beside me in life! I honestly would not have gotten this far without the honest words that friends have been telling me over these last several months (the months before the surgery and since). And you know what? I in turn LOVE being there for my friends; just able to do small or large things for them. I enjoy the give and take that a friendship has--that is what makes life so good, the knowledge that you have people there for you and that you are there for them. I wish I could express better in words the feelings I have for you guys.

So, I mentioned Yoga. I need to do some kind of exercise and since I'm athletically challenged in the worst way, I figure Yoga would good for me. (and I won't hurt anyone else). I took my first class last week and thoroughly enjoyed it, a great instructor! I'm hoping tonight's class goes just as well, I loved the dull hurt I felt for the next two days.

I'm cutting it off here folks, I'll have to post about my 2 month followup with the surgeon. All went well btw, there are just details I want to share.

Namaste!

Okay, the official freak-out has begun! I didn't think it would happen, and I thought I escaped it when it didn't happen at the ~3 week mark, but it was only delayed. I'm having the "i'm really losing weight and I can't figure out what to do next" freak out. This is one of the things I've been most afraid of. I know I'm riding the high of the honeymoon phase for weeks now, and in the back of my mind, I'm been afraid of when that high would end. I think my buzz has been wearing off for a few days now. It all started when Stacy told me she was proud of me. I love hearing those words, don't get me wrong, but after I hung up with her, I was trying to figure out what I did to make her proud? That I decided to get 80% of my stomach ripped out? How noble is that?! I'll be the first one to admit that I have not physically worked for these 26lbs. Oh, I've changed my eating habits, partly b/c I have too, but mostly b/c I wanted too, but it is not like I've gotten my tush up at 5am and worked for it. And every day I still struggle with my water intake--my gosh I hope that changes.

Then I freak out b/c I'm wearing just an XL and not a 1X or a 18W or whatever. Why this should freak me out, who knows, I'm a complicated person. And the topper was today... I got this picture...


WTF is that! holy fat rolls batman! At the point at which this pic was taken, I was down 19. UGGG, if I look THAT horrible after 19, what the hell did I look like before. ohmygosh did I want to scream when I saw that picture. When I got the email with it, I was excited to see what I looked like (when has THAT ever happened). Crushed and disgusted. I guess I'm not photographing as well as I thought I was looking/feeling. Sigh.

BUT! BUT! the only good thing about this freak-out is that I did NOT want to eat. Nope, never. Actually, the thought kinda made me sick. So you know what I did instead? I just sat on the couch in the quiet and thought. I thought about all the things that I'm grateful for and the things I have accomplished since getting out of the hospital 2 months ago.

Let me share with you some of my thoughts...

• I've lost 26lbs.
• I can buy clothes not in the 'women's' section
• I'm sleeping better
• I've not had an antacid in 2 months
• I find myself smiling more
• I put on a bathing suit and went to a water park. (I have NEVER done that in my adult life). I liked that I smiled so much at the water park that my face kinda hurt
• I started a new bag to give to Good Will of clothes that don't fit anymore.
• My blood pressure is normal
• My sports bra isn't cutting into me (and it might not be holding the girls well enough either, might have to invest in a new one)
• I love my red dress tattoo, I feel as if I'm living the meaning of it now
• i had no desire to eat ice cream or potato chips b/c I was having a 'bad moment'
• i love how my bedroom is turning out, i can't wait for the new headboard to arrive
• I have some of the best friends that a person can be blessed with
• I miss KBC (i know this isn't a good thing, but I'm grateful for them in my life)
• I can't wait to meet all the new babies that are arriving soon (and hand them back)
• Austin is a great 'friend' to Brody, I know he misses having a companion around
• I bought awesome shoes this weekend, I can't wait to wear them.
• I might actually enjoy the beach when I head to Florida for Kelli's soccer tourney
• I like that some of my underwear is sagging in the butt and I need to 'retire' them
• I started the Wii Fitness 30 day challenge and I did my first workout today
• Thank goodness that an appt opened up for tomorrow afternoon for my new therapist, I couldn't wait another week and a half.
• I feel lighter, in so many ways.

So there. I'm freaking out but I'm trying to cope in positive ways. I hope to gain a ton of knowledge about myself and ways to help me through this journey when I meet my new shrink tomorrow. As always, thanks for being there...