There have been things that have been on my mind for several weeks now, and I just didn’t want to sit down and start blogging about them b/c some will sound like I’m complaining. And I guess I am somewhat, but other items are just random feelings and such, so I’m just going to barf out words and let it all come out so I can get my mind off of this and on to other things.
· First, my friends are my family. Without a doubt, I could not survive without my friends. And I want my friends to know that even if we don’t talk for a day, a week, a month or a year, I think of you often. There are nights that I do nothing but think of friends and certain situations that have happened in the past—and I think to myself “I’ll call them tomorrow”, and tomorrow comes all crazy and I never call. Please know that I’m not purposely ignoring you; sometimes I don’t call cause I don’t want to be a ‘debbie downer’ and I plan to call on a better mental health day, but those are harder to muster up sometimes.
Also, the phone works both ways.
· I really love the website failblog.com, I crack up every day when I visit it.
· I never thought leaving Bld 35 would be as hard as its been. I knew I would miss my friends/co-workers, but not to the point that I believe it has affected my mental health. The daily, quick low-down of life in the hall is greatly missed. And realizing that sometimes that was my only (friendly) human interaction for the day has been hard to deal with, but I’m getting thru it.
· The Mutt Hut is closing in just over a week. I’m crushed. I know the boys love it there and I rely on them to wear ‘em out for me if I’m going to late at work or I’m going out for a night or something. Standby as I wipe away a tear…
· I am secretly or not so secretly enjoying watching the various stages of life with all of the kids in my circle of friends. Amazing. I only get to see KBC every-so-often, and I miss the everyday changes they make, seeing it closer is fun. But I still don’t want kids!
· If I got three wishes, one of them would be for me to have an ounce of athletic ability.
· Sometimes I too freakin nice.
· I hate that friends avoid the dog house and dog car. I’m sorry if the beasts have an odor and I understand it not being pleasant, but purposely avoiding or warning others hurts.
· The iPod is one of the greatest inventions of all time.
· I look at the red dress on my wrist and I feel like a failure some days.
· I was watching Scoo.by D.oo last night with Lan, and the episode had Ca.ss Elli.ot on it, she owned a chocolate factory. It would take more than two hands to count the number of fat jokes that were on the episode. I cringed every time they made one and it made me more upset each time. I know that lately I’ve been hyper-sensitive about things, but it really bothered me the whole night and I was thinking about it when I was trying to fall asleep. I think that is what pushed me over the edge and now I’m spitting out all this stuff, the container of holding in thoughts and emotions is full and things are now overflowing…
There are some more things that have been bothering me, but I just can’t reach into that container and pull them out right now, but I’m glad I got the ones that were on the edge out.
Ugh, look at that… I have just typed and deleted the same sentence three times—the sentence was apologizing for my buzz kill rant. But you know what, I’m not sorry for my words, I’m am sorry that you chose to read my blog and it was nothing funny or entertaining, but just the sad thoughts swirling in my head. I hope my next post I will have a funny story…
· First, my friends are my family. Without a doubt, I could not survive without my friends. And I want my friends to know that even if we don’t talk for a day, a week, a month or a year, I think of you often. There are nights that I do nothing but think of friends and certain situations that have happened in the past—and I think to myself “I’ll call them tomorrow”, and tomorrow comes all crazy and I never call. Please know that I’m not purposely ignoring you; sometimes I don’t call cause I don’t want to be a ‘debbie downer’ and I plan to call on a better mental health day, but those are harder to muster up sometimes.
Also, the phone works both ways.
· I really love the website failblog.com, I crack up every day when I visit it.
· I never thought leaving Bld 35 would be as hard as its been. I knew I would miss my friends/co-workers, but not to the point that I believe it has affected my mental health. The daily, quick low-down of life in the hall is greatly missed. And realizing that sometimes that was my only (friendly) human interaction for the day has been hard to deal with, but I’m getting thru it.
· The Mutt Hut is closing in just over a week. I’m crushed. I know the boys love it there and I rely on them to wear ‘em out for me if I’m going to late at work or I’m going out for a night or something. Standby as I wipe away a tear…
· I am secretly or not so secretly enjoying watching the various stages of life with all of the kids in my circle of friends. Amazing. I only get to see KBC every-so-often, and I miss the everyday changes they make, seeing it closer is fun. But I still don’t want kids!
· If I got three wishes, one of them would be for me to have an ounce of athletic ability.
· Sometimes I too freakin nice.
· I hate that friends avoid the dog house and dog car. I’m sorry if the beasts have an odor and I understand it not being pleasant, but purposely avoiding or warning others hurts.
· The iPod is one of the greatest inventions of all time.
· I look at the red dress on my wrist and I feel like a failure some days.
· I was watching Scoo.by D.oo last night with Lan, and the episode had Ca.ss Elli.ot on it, she owned a chocolate factory. It would take more than two hands to count the number of fat jokes that were on the episode. I cringed every time they made one and it made me more upset each time. I know that lately I’ve been hyper-sensitive about things, but it really bothered me the whole night and I was thinking about it when I was trying to fall asleep. I think that is what pushed me over the edge and now I’m spitting out all this stuff, the container of holding in thoughts and emotions is full and things are now overflowing…
There are some more things that have been bothering me, but I just can’t reach into that container and pull them out right now, but I’m glad I got the ones that were on the edge out.
Ugh, look at that… I have just typed and deleted the same sentence three times—the sentence was apologizing for my buzz kill rant. But you know what, I’m not sorry for my words, I’m am sorry that you chose to read my blog and it was nothing funny or entertaining, but just the sad thoughts swirling in my head. I hope my next post I will have a funny story…
July 8, 2009 at 4:54 PM
You're right, you are too nice, just like thinking this post is somehow an imposition. All I care about is how you're doing, it doesn't have to be all fun and jokes. But I do want you to be happy. So cheer up, life goes on, and if you don't fight it...it'll get better. K
July 8, 2009 at 6:10 PM
MISS YOU!!! Told Chris was VERY jealous he got to see you and I didn't. Sorry we didn't connect when you called a LONG time back. I, too, get all ready to pick up the phone and then when we miss, get busy and just don't seem to get there. Promise it's not 'cause I don't want to talk.
Just know I miss you lots and think of you often. BIG HUGS. Come see us!!
July 10, 2009 at 10:28 AM
My favorite thing about my blog is that it is honest. I don't always write wonderful funny things or post nice thoughts. It is my life and life is not always pretty. Love you Nic...