The Mad Happenings of a Glass Princess

Lisa and i went to the gym this evening and did 30 minutes on the treadmill. HAAAAA , it felt good (except when a trainer dude came up and tried to sell Lisa and I on using his services--whatever, could you NOT see that we were venting. LOL)

I'm signing back up on WW, think I'm going to do a merge of that and Crack. There seems to be a movement among friends to start back up the healthy eating/working out. I'm not going to let the train pass me by, if the support is out there, I'm going to hook on (and hold on for dear life).

Okay, heading to bed. It was a long day at work, very mentally draining and I have another one ahead of me tomorrow. I'm out...

Hi guys. Once again, it has been too long...
I've come to vent, I need to get some stuff off of my chest and it just can't wait until Wednesday's appt with the shrink.

As the title states, something has to give and give soon.
My eating once again this week has been h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e. There are so many adjectives that are going to thru my head when I think of my eating this week--horrible, excessive, disgusting, gluttonous, carb-o-lious, sad, weak, stupid. I feel like I can't find balance in my life. I've been really good about my therapy sessions, making 'break thrus' (I believe)--I've said things in those sessions that I've never told anyone and it feels so liberating; I've been trying to get everything out so I can find answers. And then there is getting ready for the art-show. I feel like I'm letting go and really creating stuff, I've been over analyzing things and worried about selling it and not just having fun--this week, I feel like I've been really good about it.
And work! Holy moly have the last several weeks been hell--and the week in front of me is going to be 10 times as rough. I'm working so hard on this set of requirements, and I feel like I'm giving 110% to the cause, but then I sit back and laugh. My co-workers are putting in the same hours/effort and they are seeing their work 'fly' RIGHT NOW. They are putting in the work to see something tangible. I used to have that at work, I would do something and I would see it fly within months, if not days or hours. I'm working so hard for a project that won't even have a beta version ready for another 2 years! And if that presidential commission comes back and cancels the project--well, then more than just several weeks of hard work will be gone--jobs and the space program will be gone. I'm having a really hard time getting my mind wrapped around what I'm working on right now. I know that this project will be THE way that procedures are used after the shuttle is gone, and on the way to the moon and then on to mars, but I can't touch it now, so it doesn't seem real.
I look back on my early career and I guess I had the same thing. The space station was that thing that was waaaaaay out there and then it came up on me before I knew it. I never had these thoughts when I was working on the old stuff, I was way too green to know anything.
And so I think with my 100% in therapy, 100% at work, 100% doing glass, there is no room for doing well with food. Food was the something that gave. I needed a release from keeping everything else straight. Balance Nicole, just balance. But I'm so afraid that if the scales tip in one direction (no pun intended) that more will crumble. My mind is so f'ed up. And I know better, I do! I look inside myself and I just can't make that connection between what I want and what I SHOULD do as far as food is concerned. That logic is turned off--my wiring is seriously messed up. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.

I asked my shrink the other day if she was sick of hearing me. That my voice and my bitching were just too much. She laughed. Then she asked me the same thing--was I tired of talking and bitching--yes I am. I'm so tired of the same and the same and the same and the same. But I just can't get off this ride...

thanks for the vent. (and sorry for the geek speak in there too)

Okay folks, time is out of control right now... I feel like I'm juggling a million things (okay, 3 things, but it feels worse). yeah, I know you moms out there are feeling the back-to-school thing and step-ups in daycare and I have no room to complain.


(i'm studying this picture, and wow have I learned alot about stacking and damning. MUST-TRY-MORE!)

Sorry about the lack of words, too much to say, and not enough time. I've been yelled out about not posting pics, here they are, the words will follow later...

Seems I forgot to set my alarm clock last night. I hate that. I hate that rushed feeling like you are running around with your hair on fire. And then you hit EVERY light on the way to work just making you more worked up. Fun morning.

But on the bright side, I am sleeping better overall. I'm trying to get rid of the giant black paws out of my back and a big head off my pillow; I know my sleep will get even better after that! I don't know where they started jumping on the bed again. We were doing so well for a while and then something happened and they started to sleep with me again. Last night Samson and I had a fight. He was moaning and huffing when I told him he couldn't get up on my bed. In the middle of the night, I rolled over and there he was, taking up pillow space. I yelled at him and pushed, but he didn't budge. I finally swung my feet up and gave him a good shove--yeah, that almost pushed ME off of the bed. LOL. I finally just kept hitting him (swatting more like it) and yelling to get of the bed. I think he finally gave up just to shut me up. LOL.

So tonight I was finally working on getting all my black and white travel pictures up in the dining room. They have been sitting around for months just begging to be hung. There was no way I could figure out to hang them without some pre-planning, so I made a template of each picture and arranged & re-arranged them all until I like the layout. I put a nail in the mark on the paper and then started grabbing pictures...

The frig guy swung by this morning to look at the situation. He found that the new motherboard he put in the other day was set to 'demo mode'. Like the mode that you will find a frig in a store in--where the lights are on, but not cold--that was my frig! So, he changed the settings and 5 minutes later things were getting colder. Umf, so much frustration for something so small. All is good now, I'll have to wait several more hours for it to cool down completely and then I can transfer all the NEW food from the small frig to the big one. Hopefully this will be the end of the issues. (please o' please, no more issues).

So, I ended up getting sick last night. I don't know if it was the eggs or not, but about 5 minutes after I laid down to go to sleep, I found myself running towards the bathroom. I was up off and on most of the night, cleaning out the system. I stayed home today from work, more from being tired than anything else. I slept for a few more hours, and then I became incredibly hungry. I just ate some breakfast/lunch, and my stomach is a little iffy, but I'm hoping for the best.

Yesterday I put a 'glass boil' piece in the kiln, it will be in there for probably 48 hours boiling and then slowly cooling. I can't wait to see it come out. I used my new favorite color--aquamarine. As I explore the different colors of glass that Bulls.eye offers, I'm finding more and more new favorites! If this turns out like I want it too, this one might become part of my collection. I can't wait to check it out!

So, I've been working hard on changing my 'tude towards things. I'm trying not to let the small stuff get to me. I believe my complaining levels have decreased and I'm just trying to get thru life wearing a Teflon suit. I've been under the theory that if I can change it, then work hard to do so, if I can't change something, make sure that my reaction to that change is sensible and not to over react. But mother f'er, I swear I have a gremlin that follows me around some days just to test me. Testing me he is!
The frig guy came yesterday to put in a whole new ice maker system so no more CLICKclickCLICK sound. He was very nice, chatty, and was done in about 15 minutes. This morning I went to make eggs and something didn't seem right, couldn't put my finger on it, so I just continued. I ate my eggs and stuff and then I went to get something to drink. My water wasn't that cold. And then the dogs saw the light bulb come on. My frig wasn't cooling! It still had some of the 'coldness' left over from when it was working. Immediately those eggs started to turn in my stomach. I checked the freezer; all my frozen broccoli is a mushed mess and the bag of ice I bought is almost a full puddle of water. REALLY!?!!?
I take a deep breath. Grab my receipt from the repair guy and call back.
"Blah, Blah, Blah, we're so sorry, I know it is frustrating"
Okay, I don't know about you guys, but when customer service people read from a script, it drives me f'in bonkers.
I asked them about food spoilage reimbursement. Oh yeah, I bought a bunch of stuff late Friday night (meat for the week, veggies, cottage cheese, lunch meat, chicken, eggs... all has to be thrown out). I have to fill out a detailed report and then 3-5 weeks after that I might get my check if is approved. And approval could take 3-5 weeks too. So I might have my $ back by Xmas.
I'm really trying to control my frustration on this whole thing. But I don't understand how replacing an ice maker will then cause my whole unit to stop cooling. I don't understand why I just can't mosey thru life without all these stupid speed bumps. I know that life experiences help define your character, but my gosh; why can't I have experiences of shooting stars, and sunflowers and a cherub's arrow hitting my ass (its a big enough target). I want fun, exciting experiences. And I know that I need to search those out, but do the annoying experiences always need to find me? (it seems like that anyway).
Okay, enough bitching (I said I was getting better at that right, I guess I just had relapse). I just needed to vent. I was heading up to the studio, but now I need to drag the frig that Jodie lent me back in the house (thank goodness I didn't take it back to her house yet) and plug that in to get that cooled down. I then need to clean out the nasty frig.
Happy thoughts, creative thoughts.

Just as I was going to close this post out, it hit me that I should be thankful for what I DO have and stop sweating the small stuff. Today a friend is mourning the loss of her husband's grandfather, who they were very close to, and I'm complaining about a frig. With my head hung low, I'm closing this one out.