The Mad Happenings of a Glass Princess

Friends! Can you believe it has been 8 weeks since my surgery!? I still shake my head some days that I even had it at all let alone 8 weeks ago. Things are going very well, absolutely no complaints. I'm still fighting this ick that I have; I think it hit me pretty hard and, as pointed out to me, when I'm only getting 700-1000 calories a day, healing might take a little bit longer. I'm seeing the numbers dropping on my scale like I did the first week after surgery, it is a little bit of an eye opener and scares me a bit, I honestly don't want to lose too fast.

I see other changes in me other than the scale moving. I'm growing, i can feel it. I'm busting out of this self-imposed cocoon that has kept me safe and sheltered for so long. I'm tired of whining, I'm tired of not taking chances, I'm tired of not holding my head up high & be proud of the things that I HAVE done and not just hold on to the things that I haven't done. I honestly want to go sing and dance in the streets (heaven help us all) and show that I'm so excited at this improved life I'm making for myself. So, come on out and cheer me on friends, I can use all the moral support I can get :-)

Okay, so here are the 8 week stats:
Total lbs lost: 25.2 pounds
Total inches lost: 21.5 inches

Some mini goals:
6 more pounds until I reach 31 pounds lost, this is the most I was ever able to lose before, I don't know why I hold on to this number, but I do. (Why do I do half the things I do?!) Not sure what I'm going to do at this goal, just might do a little dance. This will also be the 1/3 way mark thru my overall weight loss goal.

15 more pounds and i'll be past another major milestone, I think I'm finally going to take Sandy's advice and go to 8 Minute dating... heaven help me. I'm trying to psych myself up for this one, so I'm starting early by counting down the pounds.

oh! speaking of pyshc, I had to reschedule my appt for tomorrow (I was sick on Friday), so I'm looking forward to that.

That is pretty much it for now. My updated bedroom is taking shape, i'll add pictures as soon as it is put together. I have the curtains up so far and they are awesome--really changed the room, much brighter (as I was intending it to be).

Jodie IM'd me these words today; they were taken off of another blog and I really like them. They ring so true and I just had to pounced all over them.

1. The one person that truly cares that you lost two pounds is the person looking at you in the mirror.
2. Tomorrow DOES exist, but try to make the most of today.
3. There is no right or wrong way to lose weight. Argue all you want.
4. Eating a bad meal does not make you a bad person
5. Eating a good meal does not make you a good person.
6. Losing weight does not make you sexy. Feeling good about yourself make you sexy.
7. Everyone is perfect.

7 weeks! Where has the time gone? I can't believe i'm out 7 weeks. I'm feeling really great; I'm really able to eat almost anything. I haven't tried lettuce yet, I don't know why it is making me so nervous. I guess I just need to dive into a salad and see what happens, huh?

So I got a 'bill' from the hospital while I was in Florida. The total from them, not including the guy who put me to sleep ($2500), the surgeon ($10,000) and all the lab work ($1000) was $29,143.75. That is a very nice new car! I'm sure that is not what the insurance company will pay, but still that is a lot of cash.

I was looking for something this morning and I came across a Tiffany's silver bracelet that I bought probably 4 or so years ago--it was one of those things that I would wear 'someday'. I was NEVER able to put it on b/c my hand was too fat (it is a bangle style). I put in on my hand to see how much further I could push it on and there it went--over my fat hand and onto my wrist! Once again, I couldn't jump around b/c I would have had a coughing fit, but I did do a small shake of my hips in happiness. I fit that dang thing on! After that little victory, it lead me to try a few more items on, I was able to put on some rings that I've haven't worn in ages. Amazing how small changes really do add up!

I'm already thinking that I want to do something fun for my birthday this year, not sure what though. I have some thoughts swirling in my head, I just don't know if they'd be possible. hummm...

Brody really is the best dog ever. He is a true companion and loyal through & through. I love that stinkin' beast.

Kate's kids crack me up. The other day chris was telling me how the kids are watching this cartoon that was popular when we were kids, and Sam (the middle one) says, "yeah, we watch it and we weren't even born in the 19s" took me a few seconds and than I busted out laughing.

Another Kate story... she was introducing me to her boys (I really only know Will) and she said I was "Auntie Nicole". The kids thought she was nuts. And then Kate comes out with "She was my sister from a former life, so that makes her your aunt! She is Auntie Nicole!" Made me smile, but I think it scared her kids. LOL

There are so many things I need to do around the house. Where do I begin?!

Okay, the drugs I just took are making me tired, I think I'm going to bed early. Hugs and Kisses everyone.

Odd title, I know... But there is so much to cover. I just didn't have the energy to blog last night, but with a fresh shot in my arse and antibiotics running thru my system, the excuse not to blog is void.
So, I get the ugly out of the way first. I'm sick. Last Monday on my way to Florida to work the Shuttle Launch, my allergies/sinuses were just not feeling well. Once I hit that nice Florida environment, they went into full hyper-mode. Tuesday night I was a snot waterfall (sorry, that is really the only way to describe it). I took TONS of meds to dry me up so 1) I didn't get kicked out of launch support 2) so I could enjoy my one time out of town that hasn't been Chicago in the last year. I REFUSED to let this get to me. I'll talk about my outlook later on that later...
So with the tons of meds and my still nasty stuff in me, it drained into my lungs at night and then was also forced in my ears during that awesome plane trip home. Nicole didn't feel too swift and crashed early, just to wake up with pencils being shoved in my ears and wheezing when the alarm went off. Let me tell you it rocks when you have an awesome Dr that knows you and fits you into their day, even when "she has nothing open"--double ear infection and upper respiratory infection--JOY! Oh and I got a yelling at for taking that many drugs with my tiny tummy and high blood pressure. I knew prolong use would hurt me--but a few days, nahhh. (Like my justification).

So, this story leads into the others ones...
Story 1a) When the ick started to come on, I, with all my will, forced me myself not to be sick. I don't want to be sickly, I wanted to jump into this trip with both feet and enjoy it, learn from it, and not carry snot rags around with me. The crew quarter staff and the crew themselves thought I probably was a horrible person, but I just did NOT want to talk, I was raspy and when I did start to talking more, things would leak. And blowing my nose probably was not the right call. I regret that, but my aloofness was necessary.
Story 1b) When I was called back in the Dr. office, Dr. D was standing at the counter finishing things up with another person. She saw me and double took at me and just shook her head.
After she determined that I was sick, she asked me about the surgery. I was giving her the 10 second review of the hospital stay--she did NOT like to hear how high my BP was during my stay. I was telling her how well I've been feeling, what pounds and inches I've lost, etc. Then she said "girl, you are a new person!!!"
I raised my eyebrows questioning her...
"did you see that I did a double take at you earlier?"
"yes"
"you carry yourself completely different, you walk with your head up high and are not hiding"
insert another Nicole look
"this is not how you usually walk in here--you are glowing, (for the record, the 2nd person in a week that has said that to me), you're sick, but you're not gloom and doom. Surgery works for you girl"
Insert a Nicole SMILE here.
She gave me all my drugs and I bounced all the way out of there, followed by a lung removing cough. Yeah, the cheering might have to wait.

When arriving in Florida, I didn't know what it was going to be like emotionally and physically (still adjusting to food). Driving by Space Camp threw hundreds of memories at me. Wow, what a life time ago that was. I was trying to remember that person I was then. The words kinda scared me: angry, lonely, happy, comfortable, frustrated, crushed, cared for, belly laughs, sleep deprived, poor, body uncomfortable, entitled, wanting acceptance, overlooked, livid, consolation prize.
All those college-aged angst that a girl who needed to be on happy pills feels. And I smiled as I said a small 'F-U' to that fake orbiter on the outside and was happy that I'm NOT that person anymore. Do I have the same thoughts sometimes, sure, but not the whole collection at the same time. And not in the fish bowl that was the counselor dorm.
There is so much more I want to explore within this area. Cause I feel myself changing and I LOVE it. I have a therapist appt on Friday, I'm very much looking forward to it.

Bed time is upon me and I going to end this post here, but I want to continue the topic later, this is not the end of it.

closing comments:
My scale and I reunited about 3 minutes after I arrived home Sunday night. I stripped down and jumped on it! I'm glad it had that time to think while I was gone, it return very reasonable numbers. :0) I just might have to keep it around.

This past weekend really showed me what my life is about after surgery… I had downs (low, low, low) and I had highs (almost downright giddy).

I might only have 20% of my stomach, but still have 100% of my cravings. My self control was tested Saturday morning, and I lost. I gave in. There were donuts present and I had a bite—no biggie right, exactly. It was ~two hours later and I decided to have the remainder of the donut, that was wrong choice. I gave into my temptation and ate it up. Within 20 minutes I was sick, sick, sick and my guilt was off-scale high. Why did I eat that!? On top of being sick, I’m sure the act of me eating it will be used against me in the future by naysayers of my surgery choice and be talked about with others. I cannot dwell on that though, I need to learn from it and push forward, everyone makes mistakes.
That event has been a swift kick to get my tush in therapy and talk about whatever drives me to eat. Because that urge wasn’t removed with my stomach, that will never go away. I’m currently heading to Florida, but I’m going to try to make appts this week to have someone to talk to when I return. I need help and I’m not afraid to ask for it.
Saturday morning was ‘life’ and I need to learn to deal with these situations and make smart choices and not let the chocolate frosting talk me into bad things.

Several hours after hitting that low, I hit an incredible high. I never thought I, Nicole, would or could inspire someone. I was told by a friend while at a birthday party that after speaking to me at another b-day party, pre-surgery, that I inspired them to quit smoking and take control of their health (running, eating right). You could have pushed me over with a feather. Amazing how words can lift you so high and make you feel so good about yourself. I thought about that conversation all evening—that I could make a difference. F-U donut, next time we meet, hopefully I can ignore you.

On Sunday I wanted to hit a few stores to see if I could find some bras, pants and shirts. My wardrobe is starting to thin out (no pun intended) and I wanted to find some inexpensive items to tied me over. The first place I hit, I was able to fit into a 14/16 shirt – and I bought it – and I was between a 16 and an 18 in pants. Oh, did I mention that I started out as a solid 20W leaning towards a 22W in some things!? To know that I bought a 14/16 top put me over the moon. I then had to hit target to pick up a few items and I decided to hit the clothing section and see what they had. I quickly browsed thru the ‘womens’ section and went to the ‘regular’ section and found a few t-shirts I liked and a pair of pants. I took them to the dressing room and guess what! THEY ALL FIT ME! Items from the ‘regular’ section! I did a little dance in the dressing room and skipped the rest of the way thru the store b/c I was so dang thrilled. The second I left the store, I called a few friends just to rant over the success! It is the little things in life that are making me smile and I love it.

I’m sitting in the airport writing this blog out (and I’ll transfer it later) b/c I’m still on cloud nine and had to get it out. Why should I read a book or magazine waiting for my plane when I can share my highs and lows with you :-)

Oh, one last thing. This week my scale and I decided that we needed a break—it is best for both of us, we were becoming co-dependent. I think this time will really help us both reflect on the crappy numbers it has been displaying lately and I hope it gets its act together by the time I return. (okay, this really made me laugh as I typed it)

I don't think the 3 week stall is over yet. 7-10 days--whatever. I'm trying to grin through it and think of all the good things that have happened over the last 5 weeks.

Even though I want to concentrate on the good things, I also want to capture all that is going on, so for the record I'm going to add the following:
I've started to notice over the last week that my hunger is more noticeable, when it is time to eat, I better eat. My stomach growls with more gusto than in the past--maybe b/c is so small, it rumbles easier, however it is somewhat annoying. Dense protein is my friend and really helps to fill me up. The last few days I've been wicked tired, all my energy has been zapped from me, almost like when I returned from the hospital. I don't like it at all. Also, my carb cravings are out of control. I've been VERY careful about not eating too many carbs or sweets, but that is all my body wants and it stinks. Just leave me alone, go bother someone else, I don't want want to eat ice cream or potato chips (just the thought kinda gives me a stomach ache)--GO AWAY!
I can't help but to wonder if this is the body trying to fight all my changes and make me put all the stuff in it that it has always been used too. Kinda like "oh yeah, you mess with me, I'll mess with you" type of thing. Whatever it is, it is very annoying and I'm done with it. So, I'm just going to work and read and clean and watch tv and ignore my body cravings. So there (arms crossed)

So, I've decided I'm a family dingleberry.
Family Dingleberry definition: One who likes to hang out with families, somewhat interacts with them, but who doesn't want one of their own.
Yup, that is what I am. I love just to be around families. I know that seems odd, but honestly I truly love it! This weekend, I hung out with the Wayne Family. Had a blast! Went and watched Seth play soccer (reminded me of Brendan 6 years ago) and then after some shopping, we just hung out at the house. I just enjoyed having a family around me. Loved watching the kids and the way they adore Sandy and fist bumping Scott. It was nice to sit down to a family meal, I just loved the company.
There are nights where I just hang out at Jodie's too. They go about their business and I'll just sit on the couch and read or watch TV and just be apart of their household.
I also love evenings at my sister's house before the kids have to go back to school. They'll be doing their last minute homework assignments, Caitlyn getting ready for bed and the house 'just is'. And when I was in Chicago last time, we had a family dinner with the neighbors and I so enjoyed sitting around the dinner table just talking and then we watch some home movies. It was almost a hallmark commercial to me--the ones that make you sniffle some. Next week I'm headed to Florida to work launch support (SOOOOO EXCITED), and I'm even more excited to see the Henn and Spinale families. Most of my time there will be spent during the week, and I can't wait just to hang out at their houses and do my family voyeur thing. LOL. Just to be around great friends and their kids and 'just be'. I warned them already that I might just come over and hang out and I promised not to disturb their routines too much. And I just crack myself up over it b/c I have ZERO desire to have a family myself. Maybe a guy in the house, but the kids--nope, no thank you. I'll come over and hang out with my friend's kids, but that is as far as it goes.
Hi, my name is Nicole and I'm a Family Dingleberry.