Odd title, I know... But there is so much to cover. I just didn't have the energy to blog last night, but with a fresh shot in my arse and antibiotics running thru my system, the excuse not to blog is void.
So, I get the ugly out of the way first. I'm sick. Last Monday on my way to Florida to work the Shuttle Launch, my allergies/sinuses were just not feeling well. Once I hit that nice Florida environment, they went into full hyper-mode. Tuesday night I was a snot waterfall (sorry, that is really the only way to describe it). I took TONS of meds to dry me up so 1) I didn't get kicked out of launch support 2) so I could enjoy my one time out of town that hasn't been Chicago in the last year. I REFUSED to let this get to me. I'll talk about my outlook later on that later...
So with the tons of meds and my still nasty stuff in me, it drained into my lungs at night and then was also forced in my ears during that awesome plane trip home. Nicole didn't feel too swift and crashed early, just to wake up with pencils being shoved in my ears and wheezing when the alarm went off. Let me tell you it rocks when you have an awesome Dr that knows you and fits you into their day, even when "she has nothing open"--double ear infection and upper respiratory infection--JOY! Oh and I got a yelling at for taking that many drugs with my tiny tummy and high blood pressure. I knew prolong use would hurt me--but a few days, nahhh. (Like my justification).
So, this story leads into the others ones...
Story 1a) When the ick started to come on, I, with all my will, forced me myself not to be sick. I don't want to be sickly, I wanted to jump into this trip with both feet and enjoy it, learn from it, and not carry snot rags around with me. The crew quarter staff and the crew themselves thought I probably was a horrible person, but I just did NOT want to talk, I was raspy and when I did start to talking more, things would leak. And blowing my nose probably was not the right call. I regret that, but my aloofness was necessary.
Story 1b) When I was called back in the Dr. office, Dr. D was standing at the counter finishing things up with another person. She saw me and double took at me and just shook her head.
After she determined that I was sick, she asked me about the surgery. I was giving her the 10 second review of the hospital stay--she did NOT like to hear how high my BP was during my stay. I was telling her how well I've been feeling, what pounds and inches I've lost, etc. Then she said "girl, you are a new person!!!"
I raised my eyebrows questioning her...
"did you see that I did a double take at you earlier?"
"yes"
"you carry yourself completely different, you walk with your head up high and are not hiding"
insert another Nicole look
"this is not how you usually walk in here--you are glowing, (for the record, the 2nd person in a week that has said that to me), you're sick, but you're not gloom and doom. Surgery works for you girl"
Insert a Nicole SMILE here.
She gave me all my drugs and I bounced all the way out of there, followed by a lung removing cough. Yeah, the cheering might have to wait.
When arriving in Florida, I didn't know what it was going to be like emotionally and physically (still adjusting to food). Driving by Space Camp threw hundreds of memories at me. Wow, what a life time ago that was. I was trying to remember that person I was then. The words kinda scared me: angry, lonely, happy, comfortable, frustrated, crushed, cared for, belly laughs, sleep deprived, poor, body uncomfortable, entitled, wanting acceptance, overlooked, livid, consolation prize.
All those college-aged angst that a girl who needed to be on happy pills feels. And I smiled as I said a small 'F-U' to that fake orbiter on the outside and was happy that I'm NOT that person anymore. Do I have the same thoughts sometimes, sure, but not the whole collection at the same time. And not in the fish bowl that was the counselor dorm.
There is so much more I want to explore within this area. Cause I feel myself changing and I LOVE it. I have a therapist appt on Friday, I'm very much looking forward to it.
Bed time is upon me and I going to end this post here, but I want to continue the topic later, this is not the end of it.
closing comments:
My scale and I reunited about 3 minutes after I arrived home Sunday night. I stripped down and jumped on it! I'm glad it had that time to think while I was gone, it return very reasonable numbers. :0) I just might have to keep it around.
So, I get the ugly out of the way first. I'm sick. Last Monday on my way to Florida to work the Shuttle Launch, my allergies/sinuses were just not feeling well. Once I hit that nice Florida environment, they went into full hyper-mode. Tuesday night I was a snot waterfall (sorry, that is really the only way to describe it). I took TONS of meds to dry me up so 1) I didn't get kicked out of launch support 2) so I could enjoy my one time out of town that hasn't been Chicago in the last year. I REFUSED to let this get to me. I'll talk about my outlook later on that later...
So with the tons of meds and my still nasty stuff in me, it drained into my lungs at night and then was also forced in my ears during that awesome plane trip home. Nicole didn't feel too swift and crashed early, just to wake up with pencils being shoved in my ears and wheezing when the alarm went off. Let me tell you it rocks when you have an awesome Dr that knows you and fits you into their day, even when "she has nothing open"--double ear infection and upper respiratory infection--JOY! Oh and I got a yelling at for taking that many drugs with my tiny tummy and high blood pressure. I knew prolong use would hurt me--but a few days, nahhh. (Like my justification).
So, this story leads into the others ones...
Story 1a) When the ick started to come on, I, with all my will, forced me myself not to be sick. I don't want to be sickly, I wanted to jump into this trip with both feet and enjoy it, learn from it, and not carry snot rags around with me. The crew quarter staff and the crew themselves thought I probably was a horrible person, but I just did NOT want to talk, I was raspy and when I did start to talking more, things would leak. And blowing my nose probably was not the right call. I regret that, but my aloofness was necessary.
Story 1b) When I was called back in the Dr. office, Dr. D was standing at the counter finishing things up with another person. She saw me and double took at me and just shook her head.
After she determined that I was sick, she asked me about the surgery. I was giving her the 10 second review of the hospital stay--she did NOT like to hear how high my BP was during my stay. I was telling her how well I've been feeling, what pounds and inches I've lost, etc. Then she said "girl, you are a new person!!!"
I raised my eyebrows questioning her...
"did you see that I did a double take at you earlier?"
"yes"
"you carry yourself completely different, you walk with your head up high and are not hiding"
insert another Nicole look
"this is not how you usually walk in here--you are glowing, (for the record, the 2nd person in a week that has said that to me), you're sick, but you're not gloom and doom. Surgery works for you girl"
Insert a Nicole SMILE here.
She gave me all my drugs and I bounced all the way out of there, followed by a lung removing cough. Yeah, the cheering might have to wait.
When arriving in Florida, I didn't know what it was going to be like emotionally and physically (still adjusting to food). Driving by Space Camp threw hundreds of memories at me. Wow, what a life time ago that was. I was trying to remember that person I was then. The words kinda scared me: angry, lonely, happy, comfortable, frustrated, crushed, cared for, belly laughs, sleep deprived, poor, body uncomfortable, entitled, wanting acceptance, overlooked, livid, consolation prize.
All those college-aged angst that a girl who needed to be on happy pills feels. And I smiled as I said a small 'F-U' to that fake orbiter on the outside and was happy that I'm NOT that person anymore. Do I have the same thoughts sometimes, sure, but not the whole collection at the same time. And not in the fish bowl that was the counselor dorm.
There is so much more I want to explore within this area. Cause I feel myself changing and I LOVE it. I have a therapist appt on Friday, I'm very much looking forward to it.
Bed time is upon me and I going to end this post here, but I want to continue the topic later, this is not the end of it.
closing comments:
My scale and I reunited about 3 minutes after I arrived home Sunday night. I stripped down and jumped on it! I'm glad it had that time to think while I was gone, it return very reasonable numbers. :0) I just might have to keep it around.
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