This past weekend really showed me what my life is about after surgery… I had downs (low, low, low) and I had highs (almost downright giddy).
I might only have 20% of my stomach, but still have 100% of my cravings. My self control was tested Saturday morning, and I lost. I gave in. There were donuts present and I had a bite—no biggie right, exactly. It was ~two hours later and I decided to have the remainder of the donut, that was wrong choice. I gave into my temptation and ate it up. Within 20 minutes I was sick, sick, sick and my guilt was off-scale high. Why did I eat that!? On top of being sick, I’m sure the act of me eating it will be used against me in the future by naysayers of my surgery choice and be talked about with others. I cannot dwell on that though, I need to learn from it and push forward, everyone makes mistakes.
That event has been a swift kick to get my tush in therapy and talk about whatever drives me to eat. Because that urge wasn’t removed with my stomach, that will never go away. I’m currently heading to Florida, but I’m going to try to make appts this week to have someone to talk to when I return. I need help and I’m not afraid to ask for it.
Saturday morning was ‘life’ and I need to learn to deal with these situations and make smart choices and not let the chocolate frosting talk me into bad things.
Several hours after hitting that low, I hit an incredible high. I never thought I, Nicole, would or could inspire someone. I was told by a friend while at a birthday party that after speaking to me at another b-day party, pre-surgery, that I inspired them to quit smoking and take control of their health (running, eating right). You could have pushed me over with a feather. Amazing how words can lift you so high and make you feel so good about yourself. I thought about that conversation all evening—that I could make a difference. F-U donut, next time we meet, hopefully I can ignore you.
On Sunday I wanted to hit a few stores to see if I could find some bras, pants and shirts. My wardrobe is starting to thin out (no pun intended) and I wanted to find some inexpensive items to tied me over. The first place I hit, I was able to fit into a 14/16 shirt – and I bought it – and I was between a 16 and an 18 in pants. Oh, did I mention that I started out as a solid 20W leaning towards a 22W in some things!? To know that I bought a 14/16 top put me over the moon. I then had to hit target to pick up a few items and I decided to hit the clothing section and see what they had. I quickly browsed thru the ‘womens’ section and went to the ‘regular’ section and found a few t-shirts I liked and a pair of pants. I took them to the dressing room and guess what! THEY ALL FIT ME! Items from the ‘regular’ section! I did a little dance in the dressing room and skipped the rest of the way thru the store b/c I was so dang thrilled. The second I left the store, I called a few friends just to rant over the success! It is the little things in life that are making me smile and I love it.
I’m sitting in the airport writing this blog out (and I’ll transfer it later) b/c I’m still on cloud nine and had to get it out. Why should I read a book or magazine waiting for my plane when I can share my highs and lows with you :-)
Oh, one last thing. This week my scale and I decided that we needed a break—it is best for both of us, we were becoming co-dependent. I think this time will really help us both reflect on the crappy numbers it has been displaying lately and I hope it gets its act together by the time I return. (okay, this really made me laugh as I typed it)
I might only have 20% of my stomach, but still have 100% of my cravings. My self control was tested Saturday morning, and I lost. I gave in. There were donuts present and I had a bite—no biggie right, exactly. It was ~two hours later and I decided to have the remainder of the donut, that was wrong choice. I gave into my temptation and ate it up. Within 20 minutes I was sick, sick, sick and my guilt was off-scale high. Why did I eat that!? On top of being sick, I’m sure the act of me eating it will be used against me in the future by naysayers of my surgery choice and be talked about with others. I cannot dwell on that though, I need to learn from it and push forward, everyone makes mistakes.
That event has been a swift kick to get my tush in therapy and talk about whatever drives me to eat. Because that urge wasn’t removed with my stomach, that will never go away. I’m currently heading to Florida, but I’m going to try to make appts this week to have someone to talk to when I return. I need help and I’m not afraid to ask for it.
Saturday morning was ‘life’ and I need to learn to deal with these situations and make smart choices and not let the chocolate frosting talk me into bad things.
Several hours after hitting that low, I hit an incredible high. I never thought I, Nicole, would or could inspire someone. I was told by a friend while at a birthday party that after speaking to me at another b-day party, pre-surgery, that I inspired them to quit smoking and take control of their health (running, eating right). You could have pushed me over with a feather. Amazing how words can lift you so high and make you feel so good about yourself. I thought about that conversation all evening—that I could make a difference. F-U donut, next time we meet, hopefully I can ignore you.
On Sunday I wanted to hit a few stores to see if I could find some bras, pants and shirts. My wardrobe is starting to thin out (no pun intended) and I wanted to find some inexpensive items to tied me over. The first place I hit, I was able to fit into a 14/16 shirt – and I bought it – and I was between a 16 and an 18 in pants. Oh, did I mention that I started out as a solid 20W leaning towards a 22W in some things!? To know that I bought a 14/16 top put me over the moon. I then had to hit target to pick up a few items and I decided to hit the clothing section and see what they had. I quickly browsed thru the ‘womens’ section and went to the ‘regular’ section and found a few t-shirts I liked and a pair of pants. I took them to the dressing room and guess what! THEY ALL FIT ME! Items from the ‘regular’ section! I did a little dance in the dressing room and skipped the rest of the way thru the store b/c I was so dang thrilled. The second I left the store, I called a few friends just to rant over the success! It is the little things in life that are making me smile and I love it.
I’m sitting in the airport writing this blog out (and I’ll transfer it later) b/c I’m still on cloud nine and had to get it out. Why should I read a book or magazine waiting for my plane when I can share my highs and lows with you :-)
Oh, one last thing. This week my scale and I decided that we needed a break—it is best for both of us, we were becoming co-dependent. I think this time will really help us both reflect on the crappy numbers it has been displaying lately and I hope it gets its act together by the time I return. (okay, this really made me laugh as I typed it)
June 3, 2010 at 1:49 PM
Nicole! I just came across your blog and have been catching up on what you've been up to lately. I had no idea you got this surgery. GOOD FOR YOU. I do think, however, that you need to cut yourself some slack. You keep calling things, like dropping several shirt sizes, "small things". That isn't small. That's HUGE!
Congrats on your life-changing decision. I find your story extremely interesting. Keep it up! =D