The Mad Happenings of a Glass Princess

So I've been thinking to myself how much I've been missing Paranormal State on Monday nights. Last night I noticed that my DVR was recording something, so I had to take a peek cause I wasn't sure what it was, well... there was a special hour long episode of PS on. OHMYGOSH I was so happy, but I was tired, so I decided I would watch it another night.
Today was a really long day, and the chic that was suppose to come look at my couch never showed up, that kinda ticked me off, so I decided I would get my fix, sit down and watch what was taped last night.
In the first 3 minutes, I was freaking out, I made Sammy jump up and lay across me. This was the most scary episode I have ever seen and my heart was racing and every noise was suspect, I was holding on to Samson so tight and I had to pause it a few times cause I was so scared, but it was just the fix I needed. Wonder when the next episode is!?!?!
I'm so going to bed...(or at least try too)

Can anyone name the movie?

So I had the 'Software of the Year' awards thingy today. All my peeps came out to support me, it was nice to see everyone there. I got to shake the JSC center director's hand and get my picture with him, but Jodie goosed him, so I guess that trumps me. LOL. As we were all leaving, it was commented that there was no cake--what was up with that, I wanted cake! So, once again, my girls did not disappoint, they called me downstairs from console (I was worried, I really thought that something was wrong), and they had a cupcake and a turtle cookie for me. Thanks girls, that is what I needed. All kidding aside, I was really honored to win that award; I know Scott, David and I have worked really hard on IPV and to know that it is flying and all over the world is pretty cool. What is even more cool is that I'm working on the next generation of the viewer for Constellation and even though I'm in meetings all day, I really do enjoy it.
Speaking of which, the new job is really in motion now. I've filled out paper work for security, NASA management has been asking about me and USA has been 'officially' told that they are pursuing a USA employee. I usually HATE change, I run from it, but this I'm so excited about. I'll keep you informed...

Ohmygosh, this is one week that I won't forget anytime soon. I don't want to say that I want to wipe it off my calendar forever, there were some shinning moments, but there were also some very black moments. Let's see if I can recap...

Monday:
The week started out okay, nothing too exciting. I was a good day to get stuff done at work, my NASA boss had the day off because of the holiday, so I didn't have to deal with him. I did a major brain dump of all my knowledge of a program to my new backup and some newbies, oh and Sandy. I thought about it later that night and I was amazed by how much I really know. LOL, kind of funny to say since I've been doing it for 12.5 years.

Tuesday:
Had my marathon meeting at work about the new program, I enjoy them, but then again, they drain me. I ended my day with watching Lan, Jodie and Bryan had v-ball. Lan cracks me up--Bryan made Jodie a cake for her b-day and there were still candles on it, Lan made me light them 6 times so he could keep blowing them out. After that, we watched cartoons until his parents came home. Another successful night watching Lan!

Wednesday:
I started my day with dropping the dogs off at daycare--they were so excited. When I arrived, there was a 10mo old great dane girl, she was so cute and HUGE. Sammy and her took off and started playing with each other. I could have just stayed there all day!
I was on console that day, it was so-so. I'm so tired of console it is sad, I used to love going over to MCC, now I see it as a chore.
After work I went to pick up the dogs and headed home. And that is where my hell began... (I was going to recount the events, but I just can't, too difficult) the point of the story is that Brody bit the neighbor's dog and it was my & Brody's fault. The guilt was overwhelming, it still is.
I'm finding myself wanting to write about how I'm feeling and such, but I just can't. To be honest I really don't want the comments from others on it. I'm dealing with my family, the two things that are completely dependant on me and that are 100% loyal to me and love me unconditionally, something that I need desperately.

Thursday:
After a night of not sleeping, I dragged myself to work feeling horrible. But soon after arriving at work, I heard wonderful news... a close friend that has been wanting a kid for a while just found out she was preggers. I'm over the moon excited for her and I know she will be a great mom, she is always so good with all the kiddos.
I tried all day to keep it together, but I lost it at the end of the day, I had a full out, sob-fest in Carolyn's office. I honestly don't think I've cried that hard since my mom passed away. The thought of having to break up my 'family' and put Brody to sleep is overwhelming to me.
After I got home, I walked over to the neighbor's house to see how their dog was doing. He seems to be doing okay, which made me feel better, better enough to try to get some sleep that night.

Friday:
So glad the week was ending. Work was work, I got a lot done on IPV testing and made a list of the things that i needed to do for show on Saturday. Friday night I had dinner with some friends. Kevin & Bridget, John & Chrissy, Steve & Raquel and Tim--we all went to BJs and had a great time. Found out another friend of mine is peggers. The baby boom reminds me of the marriage boom of a few years ago--I guess that is the natural progression of life. Anywho, getting back to Friday dinner, I so needed that, i loved every moment of that dinner and just love those friends to death.

Saturday:
Woke up early, packed up the car and headed to do the charity art show. A co-worker of mine organized a breast cancer research show. I had some glass candle holders, glass pendants and some bracelets that Jodie help me put together. The show was small, but at the end of the day, The Komen foundation will receive ~$30 in proceeds from the sale of some items. I spent Saturday night watching some shows on the dvr and loving it.

Sunday:
Slept in late and then headed to the art show downtown. Ohmygosh did I need that. The weather was absolutely incredible today and I loved walking around the festival and taking in all the art. I freaking love art. LOVE IT. I love studying people's work, see what they do, the meaning behind it, everything. I hated going alone, but I guess that worked out best, cause I could go at my own pace and talk to the artists without bothering anyone else. I was at this one glass booth, and I was studying his work, and I saw that he had some incompatibly issues. His piece was for sale for $600, and all I could think of was the owner of that piece was going to be majorly pissed when it starts to fall. I really liked the fact that I can tell quality glass.
I ended the day with some doing some work outside in this awesome weather, and a dog walk.

Again, this week hads it ups with friends being preggers and lows with some family issues. There is so much more I want to write about, but I'm going to end it here and head to sleep. I have all these thoughts running thru my head, but I'm really finding it hard to express them all in words. And I want to share, I want to get them out, but just can't. good night.

I'm coming to you from the living room of the Rhodes' house. It is Jodie's bday on Tuesday so Bryan took her out tonight and I have a date with Lan. And my date fell asleep on me. LOL
I am counting the days, even minutes to when I see Kelli, Brendan & Caitlyn again, but I can't help to practice my Auntie Cole skills on Lan. I brought some really cool things for us to do tonight--a ginger bread spooky house kit and a pumpkin with templates and all the cutter thingys. We got about as far as the house making and then he wanted to take all the candy and go watch Tom & Jerry. Soon after, he handed me the candy bowl, put his head down and fell asleep -- oh well, I can continue the spoiling and having fun with Lan another night.

I still have not shipped off my scale to Jodie's house and still have not been able to keep myself off of it. And I'm NOT happy about the numbers that are looking back at me. I fell off the wagon, oh wait, I just didn't fall off, I jumped off and ran in the opposite direction as fast as I could. I have been eating like a piggo for the last 3 days; anything that I could get my hands on, it went in the old pie hole. I freakin' hate food. I HATE YOU FOOD.

So, I got tagged from Jodie to list 5 random things that you didn't know about me before...

1) When taking notes in college, if anyone wrote a note or doodle on a piece of paper of mine, I would freak out and have to re-write all my notes. They had to be on a clean piece of paper.

2) I won't pick up my new badge at work b/c I don't want to see my fat picture, I like my picture on my badge when I was 22.

3) In 8th grade I tried out for cheer leading, there were 10 spots and 11 girls tried out--I was the only one that didn't make it. Just another reason I'm on 'happy pills'.

4) Children really do scare me, but from a distance I enjoy watching them. It amazes me how they are little people with little personalities.

5) I always loved when my dad called me peanut, or my mom called me punky, or when Stacy would call me kiddo.

(ha, I responded Jodie--thhhllitttssstttt (that is me sticking my tongue out at you and making noises))

Years ago (I start out alot like that, don't I?), I had a pair of black pants that were the most comfortable things on this planet. I loved them, loved the waist of them, the length of them, everything about them. I soon grew out of them cause my ass got too large, so I hung them up in the closet with dreams of wearing them again one day. Stop me if you heard this story before... LOL
I came across them last night and I went to put them on. I was pretty sure they were going to fit, but I still slow putting them on b/c I didn't want to be all sad. HELL YEAH THEY FIT! And I'm wearing them today and I swear there is an extra spring in my step b/c I'm so damn happy I have my favorite pair of pants back in my arsonal of clothes. YIPPEEEE

I have started to see my therapist again. She was hit hard by IKE, her office no longer exists in Seabrook--so sad. Her new office is in a room in the back of her house, she is trying to adjust, but like all recoveries around here, things are slow. Anywho, she could not believe her eyes when she saw me, she was shocked by the inches that I have lost. I honestly get embarrassed when people comment on it, it is one of those things that you like to hear, but then don't b/c you are reminded how much bigger you were before--I'm just full of contradictions. It was really nice to hear her comments b/c she really knows how much I'm struggling with all this weight stuff, getting over demons and trying to not to end up like my mother. Most of our conversation was on my continuing struggles and how there are times I can't believe my progress, and I had to confess my addiction to the scale and how I weigh dozens of times a day. I'm leading myself down the wrong path and quickly. She has sentenced my scale to two weeks at Jodie's house with a possible extension if I continue to be bad about it. I know this is for my own good, but I don't have to like it. My scale will be walked over to the Rhodes house tonight (after I weigh).

Perspective; \pər-ˈspek-tiv\; noun : the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance.

This past weekend, I made a Home Depot run with the Rhodes family to get some stuff to repair the back fence; they also got some fertilizer and some mulch. While we were loading that stuff into the car, I looked to see how much the bags weighed. The fertilizer was a 30lb bag, all I could imagine as I heaved the bag up was that was 3lbs shy of where I am now. I was out of breath and my heart was racing after we were done loading and unloading that stuff... just a few months ago, my body was carrying that extra weight. So sad the constant strain that I put on my body every day with my extra weight.

Also this past weekend, I was preparing the brisket (~12lb) that I ended up taking over to Jodie's house on Saturday. Before I could even start cooking it, I had to cut all the excess fat off. When I took the beef out of the wrapper I saw that the under side of it had a thick layer of fat, it was nasty, so I cut and cut and cut until I couldn't cut anymore. I looked over at the grocery sack filled with this cut fat all I could think of is that is on my ass. That ~3lbs of fat takes up about 1/3 of a kroger bag. And how I've lost 9 times that amount--it is gross.

Last night, when Lan was over watching his dad and his papaw fix my fence, he would run by me and I would swoop him up and give him a razzy and then let him go again. We did this 3 or 4 times & each time he'd laugh louder and I would just hug him harder. The last time he was running towards me and I thought about how I have 'lost a Landon' in weight. I've lost the equivalent to that cute giggle, smelly piggies, bryan-resembling, bat-man loving kid. And that is incredible to me.

Yesterday I was called a liar, a bad person, someone who God will take care (and not in a nice way) and who is going straight to hell. And even though I know this guy is a little off center, you can't help but to take a mental inventory of your life and see if you really are this horrible person. I guess from his perspective I am. But I hope from the perspective of those I'm closest to that i'm not that person.

So, I guess life is all about perspective. I just hope I keep my perspective positive and don't let numbers on a scale or guilt after eating a cookie or crazy men that park their cars next to a fence during a hurricane get to me. Stay on task Nicole!

This week has been cooler in the mornings, it has been great. I've have for 3 days in a row now gotten my tush out of bed and taken the dogs for a walk before the sun has come up. They have loved every second of it and it also makes them crash for a while in the morning & my guilt isn't so bad for leaving them at home all day. So, this morning the alarm goes off and I hear the dogs stir some, I hit the snooze. The alarm goes off again, this time I turn it off and the light on. Usually they are lazy and don't really move until I open the back door to let them out, but this morning they are all excited 'knowing' what is going to happen next. I throw some clothes, grab some socks and head to the living room where my shoes are. I was shocked at the next events. Samson runs over to my shoes and nudges them both with his nose to my direction telling me "put these on Mom, NOWWWW!!!" He was dancing around them like they were gold. He was cracking me up. We had a great walk, I think that I have to do that every morning now... which is fine, cause we all need it!

Oh, another story... Yesterday was my 'carb-up day' and I decided I was going to have wings from Firehouse Wings. It was the best meal I have ever had--or at least for this week. I was telling jodie about it, she was getting mad b/c it wasn't her day; she even asked me if I had gotten sick yet and I boasted about how I was feeling good and how yummy they were. Well, I never should have said anything... I ended up burping them up all night and had heartburn, but you know what? That will not stop me from eating them again next carb-up day! YUMMMOOOO.

LOL
I spoke with Stacy tonight and she was making fun of me from last night, she said I sounded drunk--yeah, I was drunk with happiness...

So last night Jodie and I went shopping. We hit Avenue first; I knew I needed some jeans and some new tops, but I really was going after whatever they had. I really didn't know what size to tell Jodie to look for, so I guessed. I had to go back and look, but I talked about sizes on my 7/06/08 blog. I stated there that I was 2 almost 3 sizes down... well, guess what, my guess was right on and I am now THREE SIZES DOWN on my way to four!! I have to say that again, THREE SIZES DOWN! I'm shaking my head as I'm typing this. Jodie and I grabbed a ton of stuff and then the modeling began. We even had the two worker girls watching us. It was a blast, I even agreed to try on these funky pair of jeans--yes, Jo, you were right, they are very cute on me! I loved everything that I got and I want to wear it all right now, but unfortunately I can't--got a few sweaters that will have to wait until the weather gets ALOT cooler! But on the flip side, I'm going to look so cute in Chicago! After Avenue we made a quick peek into DSW, nothing really there so we headed over to Kohl's. We kinda went our separate ways for a few and then we met back up in shoes. I think we tried on every pair out there. I found some really cute boots and mary jane shoes that ohmygosh killed my feet today. Jodie found some really cute open back brown shoes--I might have to look into those when I return the devil shoes i wore today. For once I ended a shopping trip with all grins and not on the verge of tears b/c I was a moose trying to find something to wear. yay me!

I absolutely without a shadow of a doubt am happy with my progress. Slow and steady, that is how this race will be won. I know I'm at the same weight (actually 2.0 lbs less) that I was when I attempted to lose all my weight last time, but this time is so different. I'm not suffering, I'm not torturing myself trying to get to a small goal. I love this, and I know if I get my butt back into the gym that I will feel even better and become stronger too!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, thanks for the support!

With today being the first day of October, I changed my calendar over this morning. This month has pictures of the kids celebrating Halloween, there is one picture of Caitlyn in her princess costume, with a huge grin on her face. I keep catching the picture out of the corner of my eye and I think it is my mom; they are are so similar it is scary sometimes. I honestly don't know if I can have this picture up for 30 more days...