The Mad Happenings of a Glass Princess

Right before summer started, Caitlyn cut her hair like any 4 year old does. She grabbed some scissors and just randomly cut it. I happened to call my sister the afternoon that it happened, and I could tell immediately that something was wrong. Stacy NEVER crys, she'd rather be mad and quiet than show the emotion of crying. She is the opposite of me--but I digress. Through her tears, she managed to get out that Caitlyn cut her hair and she felt like she was mourning the loss of it. That it was just part of Caitlyn and now it was gone. She knew she was being silly, but she couldn't shake the feeling. I listened to her, but I never really understood it. Now I think I do...

Yesterday Carolyn and I had a girly day. I had a blast! While we were up in the studio, Jodie stopped by and said she was going to DSW. Carolyn and I had enough to fill the kiln, so we decided to join in on the shoe buying fun! We head downstairs and go in the side door. Before I know what happened, the door swung into the side table houses a small lamp.
The lamp has a shade on it that I purchased in Venice, Italy by this small store right by where you pick up a ride on a gondola. I fell in love with it instantly and I knew exactly what I was going to do with it when I got it home. It was designed to be a hanging light and I thought it would look great over my island in the townhome. I had it shipped home and couldn't wait for it to arrive. When it came, I remember I held my breath as I opened the box for fear that it broke on the trip around the world. Nope, it was perfect! I held it up in the kitchen, over the island and realized that it was too small, and would look funny just as a single pendant. It sat in my dinning room alone for several months as I figured out what I was going to do with this thing--I would stare at it some nights. I finally got the idea that I would take it to a lamp store, see if there was some kind of fitting that we could put on it and make it into a lamp. I ended up at a lamp store in a scary part of town, but the old lady loved the shade as much as I did and we worked for hours putting together pieces from this and that to make it work. It cost me a small fortune when i walked out of there, but she had it rigged up to where I could hook it on any lamp base I wanted. I was sooo excited. I found a small lamp on-line and when I put the two together, it was magic. I LOVED IT. When I moved from the townhouse to the new house, I knew I wanted the lamp where I could see it every night, and I found the perfect place for it. I bought a small black side table that sits between the tv unit and the door. It is a great place to drop your keys and such. There are two things I do when I come home from work--I turn on that light and I open the back door for the dogs. That is my routine.
So, the door is swinging open, smacks into the table, rocks the lamp back and forth, it starts picking up some momentum and then just falls to the tile floor. It happened so fast. My lamp shade in 1000 pieces. I froze, I could NOT move. Carolyn tells me to sit down b/c she knows I'm about to go into shock. My favorite, most expensive piece of glass, the piece that I look at EVERY night--gone. I'm crushed. We clean up all the glass, the large pieces of it are sitting on my island just laying there lifeless, so heartbreaking.
I spoke with Stacy last night and I told her the story. She made a comment that I was mourning the loss of it. At first I snickered and she reminded me of Caitlyn's hair. And it clicked, I understood what she meant. I came home tonight from the grocery store, and I reached for the light switch to turn on the lamp and I became chocked up when I looked over at the table and didn't see the lamp turn on. I also kept looking over that way as I watched tv b/c it looked so dark in that small corner and it was catching my eye that my lamp wasn't turned on. I'm mourning its loss. My lamp shade is gone, maybe it will be destined for some pendants or something, I just can't throw it in the garbage, that would be sinful. What ever the pieces become, I'll make sure I send one to my sister for understanding me.
(luv ya stacy!)

That is the word of the day: Consequences.
I usually keep my acts of stupidity to myself and keep the consequences of them limited to within my household and try not to let them leak out others. That was not so successful last night.
First, let me begin this story with reminding folks that I can be a major dumbass at times. There are times I just don't think, sometimes the hamster is just not on the wheel. I try not to let that happen too often, but it just does sometimes.
I have lived on my 'own' for 13+ years. Never had a utility cut off on me until yesterday. I just plain forgot to pay my power bill. I come home, no power. Reach for the phone, text Jodie; yup, she still has power. A big 'ol question mark hangs over my head, I find a power bill, and call the number.
power guy: "the power has been cut off for non-payment"
nb: WHAT!? HUH? What do you mean?
PG: your bill was due Sept 2.
nb: AND YOU CUT IT OFF NOW? NO GRACE PERIOD
PG: no, no grace period.
nb: WTF!!!!
so we continue to argue, I begin to have a stomach ache from hell--a combo of embarrassment and anger.
If someone were to tell me that they had their power cut off, I would ask how many months they were behind. MONTHS, not 3 weeks. Now, wait, it sounds like I'm not taking responsibility for my actions, I have and I will. I understand that I did not make my payment. But who has ever heard of turning it off after 3 weeks? No warning? No late fee? Come-on, power is a necessity, I can see cable or your cell phone, but A UTILITY!! Just makes me shake my head.
So, now I have to call the one person that I know will allow my dogs in her house and beg her if I can sleep over. I know this phone call is going to be difficult for multiple reasons 1)I have to openly admit I'm a dumbass 2) her husband and son are leaving on a trip this morning and they had to pack and stuff 3) I know she had a long day at work, and the last thing she wants is a spastic Dane mix, a moody brown dog and a basket case for a friend. I have no other choice but to call. Even tho the weather has been nice here, the house is kinda stuffy and no power just sucks. She answers cheerfully and I explain my situation. If she is pissed by any of this, she is hiding it well and tells me to get in my car and come over.
By this time, the house is dark even with the blinds open. I have to go retrieve a flashlight out of my car and start packing by the light of that. The shame of stupidity washes over me again and tears start flowing. I truly hate being a dumbass.
I arrive at Carolyn's and the dogs play, they are beyond excited. I eat a salad I picked up on my way over and try my hardest to stay out of their way. By 9, I was mentally exhausted, I took my dogs and went upstairs. I fell asleep quickly, but soon heard every noise the dogs made. I was terrified that Samson would start barking for no reason and wake up Matteo. They also asked me not to let the dogs on the bed, so I was playing bed defender all night with Samson, I was blocking every move he made to jump up. Around 2:30am, Samson has some wicked gas and then starts crying. I jump up and rush them downstairs--I swear it sounded like a herd of buffalo running thru the house. Samson made it outside in time, I started crying again. After Sam is done with everything we head back upstairs; however, samson does not follow me back to the guest bedroom--he goes into Carolyn and Joe's room. For the love of Pete--really Samson. So I'm trying to get him out of there and get back to bed. After that I really didn't sleep much b/c I thought I'd have to run again to let Sam out.
6am rolled around, and they were up ready to go to the airport, I took a quick shower and headed home. I dropped the dogs back off. They can live in stagnant air for a day (if it was still 108 outside, no way, but it is a cool 79 degrees today w/ clouds). The power company told that it will be reconnected with in 24 hours. So sometime before 6:09 PM I should have power back on. (just shaking my head)
So, besides having to barge in on friends, let's look at the other consequences of my actions:
-everything in the frig must be thrown out, this equals $$$$$
-I could not run the kilns last night
-I had to pay $60 in cut-off and cut-on fees (add that to the ER co-pay (to be blogged about next), and any 'fun' $ Nicole had is now completely gone and no new glass order for her)
-I have a disconnect notice on my record
-additional physical proof that I'm a dumbass
I am so glad today is Friday.

So last night, I could not fall asleep, I tossed and turned, blanket on, blanket off, I was miserable. I could not turn off my mind. Items running thru my head included:
*I didn't want to miss my alarm and not get up and go to the gym.
*I was worried about the bowl I was slumping; was I firing too hot or too long, what if it is ruined? (ugg, another piece I won't have ready for the show).
*Will I tell my boss to bite me after he grills me about the meeting I continued without him on Friday. (not my fault if you HAD to leave @ 2!)
So, I tossed and turned some more. Huffing each time that I did, I looked at the clock--12:45. UGGGG! At that moment, Brody jumped up on the bed, and laid down by my mid-section. That did it. I kinda 'spooned' him and gently pet his side and then next thing I know the alarm was going off at 5am.
Wow, 5am, what was I thinking. LOL. I hit the snooze for awhile and then decided that my day would be ruined if I just didn't get my ass out of bed and off to the gym. I promised myself and I'm tired of breaking promises. So, I jumped up, got dressed and gave Brody the biggest hug and kiss. I didn't have time to do the upper body workout that I wanted too, I would have felt rushed, so I did 30 min on the treadmill. I went home and ran up to the kiln room to check on the bowl. Yup, a little hot and a little long, the bowl isn't sell-able by my standards, but I think it might end up in my house somewhere.
And I didn't tell my boss to 'bite me', but I did tell him that he miss a great conversation and we agreed upon a lot of things. I had to give him the complete low-down of everything. In the end he agreed that it seems like we did good work, but next time don't have a meeting on Friday afternoon. Whatever.

Life is good when...
You are outside, with your dogs laying in the grass, cold working some pieces of glass and have Dave playing on the iPod.

Lisa and i went to the gym this evening and did 30 minutes on the treadmill. HAAAAA , it felt good (except when a trainer dude came up and tried to sell Lisa and I on using his services--whatever, could you NOT see that we were venting. LOL)

I'm signing back up on WW, think I'm going to do a merge of that and Crack. There seems to be a movement among friends to start back up the healthy eating/working out. I'm not going to let the train pass me by, if the support is out there, I'm going to hook on (and hold on for dear life).

Okay, heading to bed. It was a long day at work, very mentally draining and I have another one ahead of me tomorrow. I'm out...

Hi guys. Once again, it has been too long...
I've come to vent, I need to get some stuff off of my chest and it just can't wait until Wednesday's appt with the shrink.

As the title states, something has to give and give soon.
My eating once again this week has been h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e. There are so many adjectives that are going to thru my head when I think of my eating this week--horrible, excessive, disgusting, gluttonous, carb-o-lious, sad, weak, stupid. I feel like I can't find balance in my life. I've been really good about my therapy sessions, making 'break thrus' (I believe)--I've said things in those sessions that I've never told anyone and it feels so liberating; I've been trying to get everything out so I can find answers. And then there is getting ready for the art-show. I feel like I'm letting go and really creating stuff, I've been over analyzing things and worried about selling it and not just having fun--this week, I feel like I've been really good about it.
And work! Holy moly have the last several weeks been hell--and the week in front of me is going to be 10 times as rough. I'm working so hard on this set of requirements, and I feel like I'm giving 110% to the cause, but then I sit back and laugh. My co-workers are putting in the same hours/effort and they are seeing their work 'fly' RIGHT NOW. They are putting in the work to see something tangible. I used to have that at work, I would do something and I would see it fly within months, if not days or hours. I'm working so hard for a project that won't even have a beta version ready for another 2 years! And if that presidential commission comes back and cancels the project--well, then more than just several weeks of hard work will be gone--jobs and the space program will be gone. I'm having a really hard time getting my mind wrapped around what I'm working on right now. I know that this project will be THE way that procedures are used after the shuttle is gone, and on the way to the moon and then on to mars, but I can't touch it now, so it doesn't seem real.
I look back on my early career and I guess I had the same thing. The space station was that thing that was waaaaaay out there and then it came up on me before I knew it. I never had these thoughts when I was working on the old stuff, I was way too green to know anything.
And so I think with my 100% in therapy, 100% at work, 100% doing glass, there is no room for doing well with food. Food was the something that gave. I needed a release from keeping everything else straight. Balance Nicole, just balance. But I'm so afraid that if the scales tip in one direction (no pun intended) that more will crumble. My mind is so f'ed up. And I know better, I do! I look inside myself and I just can't make that connection between what I want and what I SHOULD do as far as food is concerned. That logic is turned off--my wiring is seriously messed up. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.

I asked my shrink the other day if she was sick of hearing me. That my voice and my bitching were just too much. She laughed. Then she asked me the same thing--was I tired of talking and bitching--yes I am. I'm so tired of the same and the same and the same and the same. But I just can't get off this ride...

thanks for the vent. (and sorry for the geek speak in there too)

Okay folks, time is out of control right now... I feel like I'm juggling a million things (okay, 3 things, but it feels worse). yeah, I know you moms out there are feeling the back-to-school thing and step-ups in daycare and I have no room to complain.


(i'm studying this picture, and wow have I learned alot about stacking and damning. MUST-TRY-MORE!)

Sorry about the lack of words, too much to say, and not enough time. I've been yelled out about not posting pics, here they are, the words will follow later...

Seems I forgot to set my alarm clock last night. I hate that. I hate that rushed feeling like you are running around with your hair on fire. And then you hit EVERY light on the way to work just making you more worked up. Fun morning.

But on the bright side, I am sleeping better overall. I'm trying to get rid of the giant black paws out of my back and a big head off my pillow; I know my sleep will get even better after that! I don't know where they started jumping on the bed again. We were doing so well for a while and then something happened and they started to sleep with me again. Last night Samson and I had a fight. He was moaning and huffing when I told him he couldn't get up on my bed. In the middle of the night, I rolled over and there he was, taking up pillow space. I yelled at him and pushed, but he didn't budge. I finally swung my feet up and gave him a good shove--yeah, that almost pushed ME off of the bed. LOL. I finally just kept hitting him (swatting more like it) and yelling to get of the bed. I think he finally gave up just to shut me up. LOL.

So tonight I was finally working on getting all my black and white travel pictures up in the dining room. They have been sitting around for months just begging to be hung. There was no way I could figure out to hang them without some pre-planning, so I made a template of each picture and arranged & re-arranged them all until I like the layout. I put a nail in the mark on the paper and then started grabbing pictures...

The frig guy swung by this morning to look at the situation. He found that the new motherboard he put in the other day was set to 'demo mode'. Like the mode that you will find a frig in a store in--where the lights are on, but not cold--that was my frig! So, he changed the settings and 5 minutes later things were getting colder. Umf, so much frustration for something so small. All is good now, I'll have to wait several more hours for it to cool down completely and then I can transfer all the NEW food from the small frig to the big one. Hopefully this will be the end of the issues. (please o' please, no more issues).

So, I ended up getting sick last night. I don't know if it was the eggs or not, but about 5 minutes after I laid down to go to sleep, I found myself running towards the bathroom. I was up off and on most of the night, cleaning out the system. I stayed home today from work, more from being tired than anything else. I slept for a few more hours, and then I became incredibly hungry. I just ate some breakfast/lunch, and my stomach is a little iffy, but I'm hoping for the best.

Yesterday I put a 'glass boil' piece in the kiln, it will be in there for probably 48 hours boiling and then slowly cooling. I can't wait to see it come out. I used my new favorite color--aquamarine. As I explore the different colors of glass that Bulls.eye offers, I'm finding more and more new favorites! If this turns out like I want it too, this one might become part of my collection. I can't wait to check it out!

So, I've been working hard on changing my 'tude towards things. I'm trying not to let the small stuff get to me. I believe my complaining levels have decreased and I'm just trying to get thru life wearing a Teflon suit. I've been under the theory that if I can change it, then work hard to do so, if I can't change something, make sure that my reaction to that change is sensible and not to over react. But mother f'er, I swear I have a gremlin that follows me around some days just to test me. Testing me he is!
The frig guy came yesterday to put in a whole new ice maker system so no more CLICKclickCLICK sound. He was very nice, chatty, and was done in about 15 minutes. This morning I went to make eggs and something didn't seem right, couldn't put my finger on it, so I just continued. I ate my eggs and stuff and then I went to get something to drink. My water wasn't that cold. And then the dogs saw the light bulb come on. My frig wasn't cooling! It still had some of the 'coldness' left over from when it was working. Immediately those eggs started to turn in my stomach. I checked the freezer; all my frozen broccoli is a mushed mess and the bag of ice I bought is almost a full puddle of water. REALLY!?!!?
I take a deep breath. Grab my receipt from the repair guy and call back.
"Blah, Blah, Blah, we're so sorry, I know it is frustrating"
Okay, I don't know about you guys, but when customer service people read from a script, it drives me f'in bonkers.
I asked them about food spoilage reimbursement. Oh yeah, I bought a bunch of stuff late Friday night (meat for the week, veggies, cottage cheese, lunch meat, chicken, eggs... all has to be thrown out). I have to fill out a detailed report and then 3-5 weeks after that I might get my check if is approved. And approval could take 3-5 weeks too. So I might have my $ back by Xmas.
I'm really trying to control my frustration on this whole thing. But I don't understand how replacing an ice maker will then cause my whole unit to stop cooling. I don't understand why I just can't mosey thru life without all these stupid speed bumps. I know that life experiences help define your character, but my gosh; why can't I have experiences of shooting stars, and sunflowers and a cherub's arrow hitting my ass (its a big enough target). I want fun, exciting experiences. And I know that I need to search those out, but do the annoying experiences always need to find me? (it seems like that anyway).
Okay, enough bitching (I said I was getting better at that right, I guess I just had relapse). I just needed to vent. I was heading up to the studio, but now I need to drag the frig that Jodie lent me back in the house (thank goodness I didn't take it back to her house yet) and plug that in to get that cooled down. I then need to clean out the nasty frig.
Happy thoughts, creative thoughts.

Just as I was going to close this post out, it hit me that I should be thankful for what I DO have and stop sweating the small stuff. Today a friend is mourning the loss of her husband's grandfather, who they were very close to, and I'm complaining about a frig. With my head hung low, I'm closing this one out.

Here is the piece that I was talking about Sunday night...
I still need to cut the clear edges off it (I want a blunt edge), cold work it some and then slump it into a large sushi platter. I just love all the colors! I might have to make another for me :-)

LOL, it sounds like my title is the beginning of a bad joke, but it is just my life. :-)

Much to catch up on... sit back and settle in, this is going to be a long post!

Mental Health Update
First, I'm doing MUCH better than I have been. I think my post a few weeks ago showed me at a low point, which I very much was. Luckily you missed my rage phase, I was just too on edge to blog. So, this is what happened... I got into a funk and I didn't know how to get out of it, things were just really blue and I went to go see my doctor. We talk and we decided that trying a new happy pill might be in order, so I did. OHMYGOSH, looking back on it, that was NOT the move to make. I didn't react very well to the new drug AT ALL and last week it all came to a head with me beating the refrigerator with a meet tenderizer and my boss asking what the hell was wrong with me. I knew that I needed off that stuff ASAP and back on my other stuff. That is exactly what I did, I went back to the doctor, I also am seeing my therapist again and we are scheduling regular meetings (I need structure). The effects of these changes were almost immediate, i cannot even begin to express how better I feel already. I was even able to get up in the studio and design a really cool piece. It is in the kiln right now, I can't wait to see it in the morning. I can't help to wonder "what the hell is wrong with me". But I guess that is what I'm going to explore in my upcoming meetings. Also, I pray that KBC never experience any of what I'm going thru. I hope that is crazy/low self esteem gene ends with me; just the thought rips my heart out.

The Refrigerator
If there was any way I could have opened the back door and thrown out my refrigerator, it would have been done by now. I hinted at issues a couple days ago and I think the worst is over, thank goodness. A few weeks ago, there was this clicking noise FROM HELL coming from the ice maker part of the unit. CLICKclickCLICK, CLICKclickCLICK, CLICKclickCLICK, CLICKclickCLICK for about 7 to 10 minutes every hour or so. I'd turn up the volume on the TV, I would leave the room, I would go sit outside, NOTHING would drown out the sound. CLICKclickCLICK, all hours of the night. I was fighting the new medicine and that CLICKclickCLICK just pushed me over the edge. At about 3am last Friday night, I took a meat tenderizer to it to try to shut it up. Yeah, it didn't work. CLICKclickCLICK. It just mocked me. RAGE.
The repair guy came out on Monday and said that he had to order parts would be back next Tuesday. WHAT?!?!? I broke down and cried, the poor man didn't know what to make of me. He tells me that my ice thing is frozen solid, I have to unplug the thing, and let it defrost. WHAT!?!? WTF am I suppose to do with all my food, my iced tea (my gosh!). That is where Jodie's frig and the massive roach comes into play. I finally did it this weekend, about 4pm CST today, I finally was able to pull the draw open, and restart my frig. YAY!! See some pics below!

The small one i borrowed from Jodie. It is sitting by my side door.

The beast trying to defrost. See the white thing on the upper right, that is causing all the issues!

House Guest
So, Brody, Samson and I have a house guest for a couple of weeks! Her parents are across the globe in different directions. Her dad is in Japan supporting the current shuttle flight and her mom is pretending to be on Mars while in the Arctic. She has been fun. Dinner time is a little rough, she likes to 'share' Brody and Samson's food, but they don't feel the same way. It has been fun watching them wrestle, she has been holding her own very well.

Watching TV with me. Think she has made herself at home?
Men on the Moon & a turtle

Friday night they were holding a splashdown of Apollo 11 at Spa.ce Cen.ter Hou.ston. Tickets were sold out and I was looking forward to listening to some of the apollo guys speak. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin (the 1st and 2nd men to walk on the moon) were there too. They are getting older and who knows if I would ever have a chance to hear them, so I was having a geek moment. (at least it wasn't rage, right?)
I got home early from work on Friday so I could the puppies run around and such. I was sitting on the couch flipping thru the channels and the dogs start going nuts. I figured it was another dog walking by, but they would NOT stop barking. So, I kinda lean over to see what they are looking at. WTF is that?!?! It was one of those things that you blink a bunch of times and just wonder if you are seeing things. This is what was out there:

So, a roach followed me in tonight when I was carrying the mini-refrig that I had to borrow ( that is another blog, when I'm not so angry). The roach was Texas-sized and scary! Brody and Sam just watched it crawl up the wall. I ran out to the garage to get some Ra.id and all I had was stuff for wasps, but I grabbed it anyway and ran back inside. There it was, right above the entertainment center! I shot at it and it fell, and I heard it hit somewhere -- GROSS. I quickly grab my phone and text Jodie, it goes something like this...
nb: there is a huge roach in the house
jr: do you have raid
nb: I have stuff for wasps, but I sprayed it anyway, help me
jr: help how?
nb: I hear it dying and it is freaking me out, come kill it.
so not 90 seconds later, the Acadia pulls up, the dogs attack her and she goes after it! It was slowly dying behind the TV. She gives it one more spray, I grab 10000 paper towels and pull it out. My skin is crawling.
Her job was done, she says good night and leaves!
Thanks Jodie, just another thing I can count on you for!

Recieved this picture text from Stacy of Caitlyn and Bently, it was titled "They're Both in Trouble".

(not the best picture, but still funny)

My first born is 7 today. Or at least today is the day that my vet and I picked as his possible birth day. He was thrown over the fence at the shelter, so no one really knows when he was born.

My little boy...


I freakin' love this dog as if I gave birth to him myself. I know that sounds absolutely, 'she has really lost her mind now', ridiculous to you mothers out there that grew and delivered a human baby, but this is the closest thing I have. We have become so in-tuned with one another, I know what he wants by just the way he looks at me and he is there to cuddle with me when I need it most.
Last night, he jumped on my bed as I brushed my teeth and I saw him look at my pillow. "No WAY!" came out of my mouth, he actually sighed a little and then moved to the end of the bed--far enough away where I would have room to lay down, but close enough that I could still tuck my feet under him and know that he was there.
I haven't been sleeping well lately, I'm unable to turn my mind off at night. Things just swirling, rushing thru my head--decisions to be made, bills to pay, art to be created, conversations I should have had, conversations I shouldn't have had, adventures that I'm way too chicken shit to ever do, etc... you name it, it is in my head at that exact moment I should be falling asleep. And Tyle.nol PM is shit. But Brody... he is there. He is the relaxing force in my life right now. Last night I turned my pillow to the other end of the bed and curled up with him and I finally fell asleep...

anywho, happy birthday to my Brody...

This past Saturday I went over to Carolyn's house to discuss the Chicago trip (which isn't happeneing, too much $$$), to have dinner and let the all the boys play.
It was way to hot outside, so we went inside, looked at maps of Chicago and such. As we are doing this, Matteo is walking up to Samson and sticking his head below Samson's head and trying to get to his chest. Sammy is not bothered by this at all, he just keeps sniffing Matteo's head or looking at him.
NB: "What is he doing?"
Carolyn: "oh! he is trying to get Samson's white patch"
NB: "really!?"
Carolyn: "it is driving him nuts that Samson has that white spot on his chest"
Sure enough, that is what Matteo was trying to do, trying to 'get' that white stuff. It was so funny. You really had to see it to get the full effect.
Oh, and then, Matteo and Samson were little boogers during dinner. Samson would slowly move up to Matteo's high chair, and Matteo would hand him some food. They had a good little system going. We would tell them both no, and Matteo would look at Samson and say "no, no!" and then do it again a few seconds later. Too funny.

There have been things that have been on my mind for several weeks now, and I just didn’t want to sit down and start blogging about them b/c some will sound like I’m complaining. And I guess I am somewhat, but other items are just random feelings and such, so I’m just going to barf out words and let it all come out so I can get my mind off of this and on to other things.

· First, my friends are my family. Without a doubt, I could not survive without my friends. And I want my friends to know that even if we don’t talk for a day, a week, a month or a year, I think of you often. There are nights that I do nothing but think of friends and certain situations that have happened in the past—and I think to myself “I’ll call them tomorrow”, and tomorrow comes all crazy and I never call. Please know that I’m not purposely ignoring you; sometimes I don’t call cause I don’t want to be a ‘debbie downer’ and I plan to call on a better mental health day, but those are harder to muster up sometimes.
Also, the phone works both ways.

· I really love the website failblog.com, I crack up every day when I visit it.

· I never thought leaving Bld 35 would be as hard as its been. I knew I would miss my friends/co-workers, but not to the point that I believe it has affected my mental health. The daily, quick low-down of life in the hall is greatly missed. And realizing that sometimes that was my only (friendly) human interaction for the day has been hard to deal with, but I’m getting thru it.

· The Mutt Hut is closing in just over a week. I’m crushed. I know the boys love it there and I rely on them to wear ‘em out for me if I’m going to late at work or I’m going out for a night or something. Standby as I wipe away a tear…

· I am secretly or not so secretly enjoying watching the various stages of life with all of the kids in my circle of friends. Amazing. I only get to see KBC every-so-often, and I miss the everyday changes they make, seeing it closer is fun. But I still don’t want kids!

· If I got three wishes, one of them would be for me to have an ounce of athletic ability.

· Sometimes I too freakin nice.

· I hate that friends avoid the dog house and dog car. I’m sorry if the beasts have an odor and I understand it not being pleasant, but purposely avoiding or warning others hurts.

· The iPod is one of the greatest inventions of all time.

· I look at the red dress on my wrist and I feel like a failure some days.

· I was watching Scoo.by D.oo last night with Lan, and the episode had Ca.ss Elli.ot on it, she owned a chocolate factory. It would take more than two hands to count the number of fat jokes that were on the episode. I cringed every time they made one and it made me more upset each time. I know that lately I’ve been hyper-sensitive about things, but it really bothered me the whole night and I was thinking about it when I was trying to fall asleep. I think that is what pushed me over the edge and now I’m spitting out all this stuff, the container of holding in thoughts and emotions is full and things are now overflowing…

There are some more things that have been bothering me, but I just can’t reach into that container and pull them out right now, but I’m glad I got the ones that were on the edge out.

Ugh, look at that… I have just typed and deleted the same sentence three times—the sentence was apologizing for my buzz kill rant. But you know what, I’m not sorry for my words, I’m am sorry that you chose to read my blog and it was nothing funny or entertaining, but just the sad thoughts swirling in my head. I hope my next post I will have a funny story…

Several weeks ago, I broke down and bought a Wii. I had some reward points that were going to expire at a certain electronics store, so instead of buying a CD or Movie, I decided to buy a Wii. LOL
Soon after I bought that, I saw a commercial for EA Spo.rts Act.ive. It looked really cool, and the online reviews were pretty good, so I decided to pre-order that. When I got back from Chicago it was waiting for me! I starred at it for a few days and then I finally decided I needed to use it. The game has a few choices as far as workouts that you can do, you can make up your own by selecting your favorite exercises and then it will string them for you. Or you can do a 30 day challenge. I decided to do the 30 day one... who knows what I like until I do it, right?! The daily workout is similar to circuit training. You do some arms, then some cardio, kicking boxing, back to arms, etc... I like it!! The running in place kinda bothered me at first, but then I started to really get into it. I couldn't get around the 'track' without wanting to pass out and die, but now at the closing of each workout, I'm running a few laps--amazing how our bodies work. I have been very surprised by the intensity of the workouts, I never thought a 'game' would do that. And it will even yell at you when you aren't doing something right--I've been told to step it up or keep my pose longer--the Wii knows all!!! I also like that the workouts aren't so long --anywhere from 18-25 minutes and that is all you need, cause I pooped after that! Yesterday's workout was lower body, tons of squats and lunges--I hurt today, my hips feel like they are in cement and my thighs are screaming at me with every step. I love it tho!
So if you have a Wii, pick this up, you'll love it too!

I had mentioned in my Chicago post about the new thing that had been keeping me busy for a while. Both Alexa and Jodie mentioned to me that I needed to read the Twi.light series. Yeah, yeah. Alexa has even been carrying it in her car for about 6 months waiting for me to take it from her. Jodie finally handed me the book and I decided to take it to Chicago with me. I never opened it up on my way up there or once I was there (thank goodness, I never would have seen the kiddos), but I did open it after I bawled my eyes out saying goodbye to hide my red face. Oh boy, it was all over after that. I couldn't stop reading it on the plane and I was mad the whole way home from the airport cause I was missing valuable reading time. LOL.
I finished the first one soon, and then ran out and got the second one, I borrowed the thrid and the forth one from Kristine and didn't leave my house until they those were done. I have never in my life stayed up until all hours of the night for a freakin book. OHMYGOSH those books rock. Yes Alexa and Jodie, I should have listened to you earlier. I am now a Twi.light fan, I have been sucked in, heaven help me. LOL

Here are the pics of promised of Caitlyn in gymnastics in my last post. I enjoyed downloading these and going thru them. No lie, a bunch of picutres were blurry b/c she was moving so fast on the equipement (and I didn't have my camera set right). But here are the best... (check out her guns)

Please let me re-introduce myself. I'm Nicole, the blog slacker. It is not that I don't have anything to write about, trust me I do, but I just don't seem to have the time. So much has been going on, I don't know where my time goes. I have no idea how my friends that have families to look after do it. I can hardly keep up with myself, let alone anyone else. I'm so glad all I have to do is put some water & food down, open the back door and give some belly rubs for my boys, anything more and I might fall apart. The days have never rushed by faster, but then seem to go so slow sometimes too. Very odd, I don't think I can explain it very well. But let me try with my trip to Chicago...

I headed to Chicago for a long Memorial Day weekend. I could not have been more excited to jump on a plane and head there, I was like a kid waiting for my new toy. I headed up there mid-morning and then met my dad at the airport. He was a big kid too, he couldn't wait to see the kids either. Stacy picked us up and we headed back to her house for a bit before the other kids came home. Caitlyn was just excited that we were finally there that she could hardly get her words out. We took the bags upstairs and she was jumping on Brendan's bed. I pulled her down and started to tickle her. In between laughs, she said "Auntie Cole, you really do love me". We all laughed, not sure what that really meant, but I think the harder I 'got her' the more it showed her my love. Shortly after that, the other two came home. Wow! Have they grown. Kelli is more of a young lady than a 'girl'. So sure of herself, so proud, and such a smartass. LOL. Brendan is a handsome, funny young man. Where have Stacy's babies gone?

That night we headed to a 'house league' game for Brendan. I had my huge camera in hand, ready to snap those pics like the paparazzi, and my dad was busting at the seams to watch him play. Brendan got to pitch some, but about halfway thru the game, he was pegged in the head with a line drive, and he went straight down. It took every fiber of my body not to go run out there and pick him up --the trace amount of maternal instincts that my body seemed to muster up was pushing me to go and baby him. He was fine, his ego was bruised more than anything. We watched him for most the night to make sure he didn't need to go to the hospital. All was good by the morning.

So, I have been begging, whining, dropping bomb sized hints that I wanted to go downtown and do the boat thingy and see the city. Finally, after about 5 years of asking, we had time to go on Friday before the weekend of soccer and baseball games began. So, we all boarded the train to downtown, kelli and I playing her iTou.ch and everyone else just catching up on things. After arriving at that train station, we walked a few blocks, to the water taxi's








Like this 'die' look...


Oh, here is another one!