The Mad Happenings of a Glass Princess

I was very happy with the number on the scale this morning, but I know it is temporary, that it is just water and that my body is cleaned out weight-loss. I'm going to try to not let it jump back up too much, but I'll enjoy that number while it lasts...

I cannot stop laughing. I'm just here laughing at myself (the dogs think I have lost it).
I just have to share...
I bought some dog food for the boys last night when I was running some errands, I hadn't taken it out the car yet and I used the last of their food this morning.
I never thought I would be living in my bathroom all day, or I would have brought it in last night. So, now the dogs are hungry as ever, driving me nuts, and I need to go get a 40lb bag of dog food out of my car.
Do I drag it across the driveway and into the house -- no not good, might rip open.
Do I get the laundry basket, dump it in there and drag that -- no too complicated.
Do I try to load up Samson like a mule and have him carry it in -- no, he's too skinny
I finally decide I'm just going to try to pick it up and carry it in the house myself.
wooo, woooo, woooo, I'm weaving back and forth, no energy from my incident today, finally I get lined up with the door and I'm heading in! Ohhh! So close -- just got the edge of the door jam. I bounce back (who knew that dog food could be spongy, or maybe its my gut), and I try to line up again and make it into the house this time. The bag gets immediately dropped and the dogs dance around it like I just brought in the best offering ever.
Great, now I have to pick it up on its end. 'Bend at the knees Nicole', I heave it up and place it against the counter. the dogs are still doing their sacrifice dance around me driving me nuts.
After opening the bag, and feed the dogs. I stand back and re-live the scene in my head and just start to laugh and laugh and laugh. I'm drunk off gatorade!
Just had to share! Thanks.
LOL

So here I am again, another day home from work, I'm beyond tired of this.
Here was my day:
Woke up like a good little girl and got dressed for the gym, I had intentions of doing a 5K on the treadmill as practice for this weekends 5K (at a minimum, I'm still walking that, dang it!). I grabbed a bottle of water, a towel and headed to my car. Once I got into the car I realized that my stomach really hurt and I didn't think that I could go to the gym. I turned the car off, went inside and then all heck broke loose! I spent my time between getting ready for work and in the bathroom. I thought everything was over so I drank a bottle of water, grabbed my bag and headed out the door.
I was at work, about to write a to-do list when I realized that I needed to get to a bathroom fast.
After that, I headed home. I know for a fact that there was nothing in my system by the time I crashed for a nap at 10:30am. :)
When I woke up, I felt better, but weak and then I had a moment of anger/frustration/sadness -- I'm tired of being sick.
So I'm standing up and declaring that I'm not taking it anymore. I will do everything to keep my mental/emotional/physical health at the best level possible. Enough said. Moving on...

So yesterday, I checked the airfare AGAIN for the weekend that Kelli is having her b-day party, the prices were obnoxious, and then I had the thought to check the prices for my b-day weekend. I almost fell of of my chair!! $238! my gosh, those are pre-$4/gallon gas prices. I jumped on the phone and called Continental to see if I could use my Seattle ticket. Yay! I could AND the best thing is that I'm receiving a flight coupon for $80 for the difference of the two tickets.
So I'm headed home, headed to see the family!!!! By the time I go, it will be just over 6mo from the last time I saw them. I can't wait to go!
My Kind of Town, Chicago is.
My Kind of Town, Chicago is.
My Kind of razz-ma-tazz and it has All That Jazz...
And each time I roam, Chicago keeps... calling me home!
(how sad is it that I can sing that song, I'll stop)

Closing thoughts:
Ms. Wayne is heading down here tomorrow for lunch, I'm determined to see her and hang out with the girls. I'll sit there and have bread sticks and water! LOL

I also want to give a shot out to Kelli who I learned today checks my blog daily. I'm a bit concerned of some of the stuff I say, so Kelli, please read with caution (I even told your mom that today, don't be mad). I love you though, and I cannot, cannot, cannot wait to see you, Brendan and Caitlyn. I miss you so much it hurts. Have a great b-day night, sorry I can't be there, but we'll celebrate both of our b-days when I get home. Hugs and kisses.

Today is definitely a Monday! I did 10 million loads of laundry over the weekend, but I had "nothing" to wear this morning. I just had to stop and laugh to keep from crying. LOL

I hit the studio this weekend. I spent most of the day on Saturday cleaning, organizing and making lists of things I still need/want. I actually didn't put anything in the kiln until ~9pm and that wasn't even very artistic--I threw a bunch of glass in a pot to do a pot melt! LOL They were a good experiment, I learned alot, I'll know what to do next time to get the amount and color combo I want. As I ate a late (very late) dinner Saturday night, I sat back and thought of all the things I want to make, I really need to get busy.

On Sunday, I hit both Home Depot and Lowes to work off some of that list from the studio. I finally broke down and bought the wet tile saw I wanted (well, kinda, I went with a lower model, I couldn't justify the one I really wanted). I didn't get a chance to break it open last night, so I plan on doing that when I get home from my day job today. I was thinking about it all last night, how much I can do with this tool. So, now that all my toys for the studio, I better start cranking out the art, the show is just a few months away!

I ended my weekend with a much needed dinner out with some friends and then falling asleep on the couch about 9ish.

oh! and I hit the gym this morning... I feel good. (I'll amend that statement tomorrow when I are feeling it)

I feel sooo much better today, my eye is normal size, it still feels like there is something in there (like an eye lash or something) but the pain has gone away. The drops sting for a few minutes after I put them in there, but I can live with that compared to the pain I was experiencing.

As you can see, I'm up 1.8 lbs for the week. I'm not going to freak out about it, I'm just going to accept it and move on. Oh! I did something drastic today... I canceled my WW subscription and joined CalorieKing.com. Jodie found it and I really like it. The database is alot larger than WWs is, and they track everything for you. It even tracks your measurements to see if you are losing inches, but gaining muscle. Check it out!

Things are going very well on the Samson exiled from the bed front. Last night I had to tell him only twice (in the span of 2 minutes) to go lay down on his bed... once he really got settled, he didn't move the rest of the night. I have no clue what to do with myself with the whole bed. I can actually feel how the mattress is lower on one side from me sleeping on the right and the dogs on the left. I need to flip my mattress! I really hope this continues to be this easy; I know that I will continue to work at keeping them off of my bed.

So, I have been having some very odd dreams over the last couple of weeks; all of them involving my mother. Last night I was dreaming that my parents moved back into the house I grew up in Chicago and decided to retire there. I came in and decided to completely renovate the basement--I was going to pull down the paneling, pull out built-ins and put all new flooring in. We were going to make the place a that my dad could hang out in. My mom was telling stories as I was taking measurements, stories of things that we used to do down there when we were kids. We were also going thru old photo albums that managed to stay where we put them after 20+ years of not living there--it was all dream-like weird. But talking to my mom and just having her around left me with the best sense of comfort as I slept. I could feel that I was at peace--does that make sense? I was dreaming and in a deep sleep, but I also felt warm and loved. I have to admit, I'm enjoying these dreams of my mom, but they are also making me sad cause they are not real. I would do just about anything to call her up and tell her all about how I was make the old basement an awesome place. I can hear her laughing...

So, here I am again, sitting at home, not at work b/c I'm not feeling well. I'm sick of being sick.
This all started a few weeks ago when my prescription for a common allergy medicine ran out. I was just too lazy to go pick it up on time, it was filled for me automatically and it was just waiting for me. After a few days without it, I noticed I was getting bad headaches in the afternoon, sinus headaches. I even skipped out on a local baseball game cause my head was killing me so bad.
Those headaches soon turned into painful pressure in my forehead, and dizziness--my sinuses were packed with no relief in sight (it was very similar to how I felt in Germany). I went to the Dr on Thursday, she told me what I needed to use to start draining and I went on my way...
The medicine worked almost immediately, I was draining and the pressure in my head was going away.
Saturday morning I woke up and my left eye was H U G E! I immediately thought somehow I caught Jodie's or Samson's (LOL) pink eye. I was pissed. As the day went on, it looked more and more like I 'only' had a sty and not pink eye. My eye was still hurting tho and nothing was really making it feel better. This whole time, I also continued to take my medicine and was draining very nicely, headache all gone :)
Sunday the eye wasn't any better, I was being a semi-baby; I wanted to be full baby, my eye was killing me--bad. I decided to head to the eye dr. monday morning. I also decided to kick Samson out of my bed. I had no idea if this eye issue was due to him and his 'walking' hair, so I was done with it all. I knew it was going to be a long night keeping Samson off of my bed.
...and a long night it was. Samson kept trying to get on the bed and I had to get up and keep pointing him to his nice comfy bed on the floor. And this whole time, my eye was killing me.
I called first thing Monday morning and they were able to see me. The first question the Dr asked me after quickly looking at my eye was "have any sinus issues lately"
nb: ummmm, yes (and I explained how I felt the previous week)
dr: I can tell that you don't have pink eye or a sty, but let's look anyway
nb: k
she proceeds to put some yellow stuff in my eye to see if I had an eye scratch, fun for me.
dr: okay, you have an eye infection from your sinus drainage. You drained via your tear ducts, it got in your eye, and became infected.
nb: say what?!?! As Max says "it is all connected"
so she ends up giving me some drops and sends me on my way.
I ended going back to work, but then left soon after that...
And today I woke up with a fever and my eye killing me worse than this weekend.
I called the eye dr and she said that my eye was pretty bad and that I didn't have enough time for the drops to take effect yet--yeah, she didn't tell me that the morning before.

so, let's add this all up:
$15 co-pay for regular dr.
$40 for eye dr
$ 5 for eye drops
2.5 days off from work...
wow, what was the lesson here... get your damn prescription filled on time and take the damn tick-tac sized pills on time. NOT THAT HARD NICOLE!!!
am I pissed... yes, I'm very pissed.

Oh! and I took this lovely opportunity to eat whatever I wanted--comfort food if you'd like. Can't wait for tomorrow's weigh in...
Okay, its wednesday tomorrow, time to regroup and be good again. Not worth throwing weeks of work away or my life.
Come on Nicole, get it together...

Jodie and I -- two peas in a pod, thicker than thieves, Abbott and Costello...
ended up going to the Dr at the same time yesterday and we even went in the same room--they just laughed at us at the Dr. office.
On the drive there, we barely said two words to one another, I don't think we have ever been more silent around each other E V E R. After a long wait, we finally got called back.
Jodie was examined first, the Dr said she was really sick and then looked at me like
"you're going to be like this cause you two hang out together"
NB: "no thank you, just give me drugs and let me go back home and go to sleep"
Jodie was enjoying being up on the table where she could lay down, but I had to kick her off so I could be looked at. The Doc looked in my left ear and said "there are some dark hairs in there, like something was pushed in with a (and she made a Q-tip motion)". She then looked in my right ear and said I had the same thing in that ear as well.
The look on Jodie's face was priceless, she was thinking the same thing I was... SAMSON HAIR!
Yes folks, I have Samson hair shoved deep into my ear. And every time I think about it or picture it, I get so grossed out. I love that dog, and yes he is everywhere, but now he is truly EVERYWHERE and I don't like it.
The Doc recommended that I put a cap full of Peroxide in my ear to flush it out. Screw that, I went for the big guns last night--I have a leftover syringe from cough medicine, I loaded that thing up and put it in my ear. It sounds like Snap, Crackle and Pop are in my ear having a dance off, but who gives a flying fig, I want his hair out of my ear and like now. Last night he was trying to snuggle up next to me and I could think was his hair sprouting legs and crawling in my ear--yes it it gross, but those were my thoughts. (I just shivered again).
I'll let you know when I have successfully evicted Samson from my ears!

Sorry it has been a couple of days since I've blogged, work was crazy for a few days and yesterday I was sick little gal--my sinuses were so packed with yuck that I had to go see the Dr. Drugs are the best thing E V E R! I'm finally draining again and I no longer want to drill a hole in my face and drain it that way. (it really was becoming an option, I even looked at drill bits to see what size would be the best one--LOL)

So, I went to my therapist appt on Tuesday, I printed and brought along my post from the other day... She found it very interesting. "she could see what my 'issue' was"
The phrase "I hate that girl" said it all to her, that I've got some inner girl that allows these feelings to push outward and make me feel so bad. It sounds like a lot of fluff, but her words and the exercises that we did really did help. I don't think we have even scratched the surface of my deep seeded issues, things came out of my mouth that I didn't even know bothered me--there is a lot festering under the surface and I need to keep shaking things up to let it all out.
So, with that and my weight loss decreasing every week, I need to regroup and refocus. I've strayed too far from the big picture. Time to pull in support from my friends, dig in deep and keep working on this new lifestyle. I appreciate your continued support and words of encouragement, they mean more than I can explain.

Here is to being a continued loser!

This is a huge shout out to my sistas who have supported me over the years. I love you all. I guess my post the other day freaked some people out -- including me. I just re-read it and wow was I in a bad place the other night. I honestly feel better and I'm even determined more to stay in the 'good place' due to some messages I have received.

I hadn't spoke with Kristenia since she left a few weeks ago, so I picked up the phone and called her today just to catch up on things. And she is just the best. She asked me how I was doing and then gave me the best words a scared girl could hear. I've known her for my whole adult life and she has never let me down, so I know I need to listen to her now more than ever.
Thank you Kristenia, I really appreciate your support and love. I wish you lived closer.

Right before I sat down to open my blog, I checked my email and I had one Kate. She was emailing me from the Dave Matthews Concert (so jealous!) and dropped a few quick lines about how she has my back and to keep moving forward. Another one I wished lived closer.

And the most incredible thing happened this morning. I believe by now you know that I'm kinda afraid of kids, that they freak me out and I don't know how to handle them. I love K B & C so much that it hurts sometimes thinking how far away I am from them, but today my heart grew a little bit more cause of another little guy.
I went over to Jodie's house this morning to see if she wanted to hit the gym. Her and Lan were sitting on the chair just watching cartoons and hanging out. I sat there for a while and I was getting Lan's piggies and such and then I said I was heading to the gym.
Lan: "I go gym too"
We laugh at him and Jodie says jokingly
JR: "wanna go to the gym with Ma Cole"
Lan: "yes"
JR: "well, let's get dressed"
and Lan starts allowing jodie to put his clothes on. Now this is a big deal folks, J & B have been fighting with him for weeks about putting clothes on, the kid would rather be naked. After Jodie gets his clothes on, he grabs his shoes, gets those on and then grabs my hand (sigh).
JR: "you going with Ma Cole?"
Lan: "yes"
now the thought of this kid leaving his mom (he is NOT a mama's boy, but he just loves being around her) and going with me just because he wants to is quite amazing. And the whole time is his holding my hand and leading me towards the door like him and I are going somewhere. Jodie ends up getting up and putting her shoes on and decides that while he is dressed that they will hit the grocery store. So, after jodie puts her shoes on, he grabs her hand and my hand and we all walk out the door. Now another thing that Lan is not keen on is anyone putting him in or out of his car seat unless you are his mom or MaDee; but today he let me put him in there and buckle him up and we were watching ScobbyDoo together. I just was shaking my head.
That kid melted my heart today, he doesn't even notice that kids freak me out, he just loves me back. I tell him that I need to move my car and I'll see him later and he proceeds to lean over to give me a kiss... yeah, I've fallen for him, he's got me...

So, today is the day of the big interview. I have not mentioned it on my blog cause I've been afraid to talk about it, but here it goes anyway...
I have applied for a job with NASA to be the new Procedures Manager for Cx (That's Constellation, for you non-NASA folks), I've been told the job 'is mine', but I won't believe it until I see the job offer in my hand. There was one other person that was interviewed on Tuesday, and today is my big day. I'm nervous as heck and this morning didn't help me any, here is what went down...
First, Jodie helped me find a cute new outfit to wear, it is very 'Nicole', not too dressy, not too relaxed either, a good interview outfit. I had planned on wearing my strappy black shoes with it, however, they had different plans. I was already to leave, I just needed to put on my shoes, I'm trying to pull the first one one and B I N G--there went the strap.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" I scream.
The dogs run and I'm just standing there with a broken shoe in my hand starting to panic.
I run to my closet and look for something else that would go with my outfit. I have these cute blue shoes and they are the same color as in my shirt, but I'm not sure if I should wear them. They are semi-comfortable, but I'm not too confident in them. I throw those on, throw my ballet flats in my bag and head out. As I turn onto Poppy, I decide I'm going over to Jodie's and get her opinion on my shoes.
So, I knock on the door, go in, and go into her bedroom, she is asleep.
NB:"pssst, Jodie, I need your help. I broke my shoes and I need to wear these, do they go with my outfit"
JR:"I can't see very well, but NO, they don't go with your outfit. Go get my black shoes"
NB: "cool, thanks"
After searching a never-ending bin, I find a pair
NB: "I'm going to wear these"
JR: "those are navy!"
NB: "Damn"
back to the closet I go. As I'm searching again, Jodie comes in and helps me
JR: "yeah, those"
That is when I get a good look at Jodie. Her eye is welded shut and the size of a half of a ping-pong ball. She looks miserable and I just woke her up.
I throw the shoes on, thank her and run out of there.
As I'm driving to work, I have the follow thoughts:
-thank goodness she lives around the corner
-thank goodness she understands fashion emergencies
-her shoes are the only thing I can fit into of hers. LOL
-I'm so glad I don't have pink eye

Wish me luck on my interview, I hope I don't yak on my way over to it.
I'll post the outcome.

Hi. i'm doing alot better this morning. There is nothing like a good cleansing cry to get all the ick out of you. I slept in this morning and didn't go to the gym, I'll hit it later, I just needed that extra hour+ this morning to recover from the sobfest.
Later...

Ohmygosh do I have the blues. I couldn't sleep last night cause I was tossing and turning all night. I couldn't turn my mind off, I had so much running through it. I should be over the moon about my weight loss, but I'm freaking out about the size thing again--how can I have lost two dress sizes?! How is it that I did that?! How come something good is happening to me--nothing good happens to me, I don't deserve it. I'm the fat nobody girl, the token fat friend, the one behind the camera, never in the pictures, I'm the girl driving home alone after a night out with friends, I'm the girl with the separate dinner check, I'm the girl that is the 5th wheel, I'm the girl that doesn't get noticed, I'm the girl that wouldn't know how to talk to a guy, I'm that girl that can't look at people in the eye, I'm the girl that guys are nice too because they want to get into my friend's pants. I'm THAT GIRL. I HATE THAT GIRL
Oh gosh, oh please, I can't be in this place, I have to climb out of this hole; I'm having horrible flash backs of 5 years ago where I completely freaked out (kinda like this week) and resorted to my old habits. I let outside influences creep into my life and I let them throw me off balance and it is happening again. Please don't let me go back, I can't go back, but going forward is so scary.
And the tattoo, I don't for a second regret getting it, I love it and what it represents, but ohmygosh is it dragging up feelings I have regarding my mom. All the times I was a bitch, all the times I was mean, all the times where I took her for granted, and all the times she is NOT HERE now. I just miss her so much and I look at the dress for inspiration and for guidance and all I want is for her to be here. I should not have a fucking dress tattooed on me, I should have my mother.
How can I be so ungrateful, I have the great house, the great friends, the great car, the great dogs (well, not according to some people!), the perfect studio, hopefully the perfect new job, but I can't do this weight loss thing--it is too REAL, I have to face things that I've hidden from for the last 34 years.
Please get out of this funk, please pull yourself out, please, I can't stand this, I feel like I'm really going nuts, I can't think straight.
I'm going to have to take TyPM to help me sleep tonight, there is no way I'm going to be able to lay in bed and not have 10000000000000000 things run thru my head.
That's it, I'm done for the night, I can't keep balling in front of the computer--it will make my eyes all puffy. LOL
Thanks for letting me vent.

Tuesdays and Thursdays are my cardio focus days and I had this wonderful idea that I was going to hit that '5K' button on the treadmill this morning. I knew it was going to take me a while, but I was determined to do it anyway. I walked a majority of it, but I did run some too... I really want to put effort into my cardio workouts and build up stamina. I would really like to run most of the half in San Antonio (yeah, stop laughing).
I was very proud of my 5K this morning and even though I'm sore, I still feel pretty good.

tomorrow is weigh-in day and it is picture taking week. I'm semi-interested in looking at pics from 8 weeks and compare them to week 1! I'm really hoping that the food fest of the weekend won't hurt me that much.

I meant to give a shot out to Mel and Jodie for completing the Independant Weigtloss Challenge (I think that was the name).
Congrats to you both--you did awesome!
I'm so proud of my loser friends!

Happy Sunday, day 3 of a 3 day weekend... boooo!

I accomplished so much this weekend! I'm so proud of myself. Please allow me to share...

Friday AM
went to the gym Friday morning and did a bit over 4 miles combined on the treadmill and the elliptical. I tried to put some more running into my workout and I was trying to make it once around the 'track'...ohmygosh, I thought I was going to die. My breathing was all jacked and I was trying to regulate it but then I wasn't concentrating on my running and I thought I was going to fall off. And then I had a flash of me falling off and Jodie just laughing so hard at me and just walking away like she didn't know me. LOL. Oh, and i remember why I do the treadmill more than the elliptical... no freakin' fan. good lordy does it get hot doing the elliptical, it feels like there is just a hot cloud of air surrounding my face, it really is horrible. And THEN! Jodie wanted to sit in the sauna... I have never had sweat just coming out of my pores like that... it was a weird feeling, but invigorating!

Friday mid-morning
since I was already all nasty from the gym, I decided to dig in and work on the cold-working portion of the studio. I put together the air compressor, got the sand blasting cabinet out, packed up the glass saw I'm trying to sell (please someone just buy the damn thing already), and did some cleaning. I got to a standstill point without having some connectors (needed to make a home.depot run) so I called it a day in the garage and took a nap before Jodie's 4th party.

Friday evening
Jodie's party was soooo much fun. I loved hanging out with everyone, and seeing all the babies. I showed Chris and Alexa my studio, I love that place so much, and I enjoy showing it off! :)
Bryan set off a whole bag of fireworks, one neighbor called us rednecks the other came out to inspect his mailbox to see if Bry had blown it up. LOL. The night ended with the best news of all! Chrissy and John are having a baby! I am so over the moon for them! They are going to be great parents and I can't wait to see their new little one!
oh, I'm not even going to address the eating I did at that party--too much good food, and I enjoyed every bite of it!

Saturday morning
Had plans to go to gym saturday morning, but I slept in. Jodie calls and wakes me up; I get dressed and I head over to her house. I'm greeted when I get in the door with "go look in the office!". I walk in there and sitting on the couch were the bat.man twins. I crack up. Mel found these really cute full bat.man customs for the boys, including masks. Maddox and Lan are just sitting there watching super friends, they barely acknowledge my existence. LOL. After a few pictures of the boys, we get ready to head out to the real Wayne manner. We decide to take my car, but I warn Jodie that it might smell like dog. We get in the car, pull out of the drive way, make it to the house next door to hers and Jodie can't stand it. LOL, we then jump into her car and hit the road. I so enjoyed our day with her. Sandy, I miss you g-friend! Sage is so stinkin' cute, but sooo tiny, he scares me how small he is. I need a baby with some substance so I can hold on to him...LOL. Jodie fed him, changed him and rocked him to sleep--she was in heaven, I was just happy to sit back and watch. We also brought some gifts up to Seth for his 4th b-day. Wow! he is such a big guy. I can't believe how much he has grown and changed over the last year. And he has one of the best smiles a kid can have, a full face smile that makes you smile too.

Saturday late afternoon.
Jodie and I made good time getting back from Sandy's, so we decided to stop off at Ave.nue to get me some new clothes before the Metro party. (that loud thud you just heard was me falling off of my chair recalling those events... I still can't believe it) Jodie asks what size I am. Who knows, my body is acting so weird that I have no clue what to pick up. (Okay, confession time, I'm going to share my clothing size with the world, eeek). When I started this journey, I was a high 22. Some of my 22's were tight on me, and I was wearing 22/24 (the combo thing) quite comfortably. Now, all my 22's are in a nice pile in the closet (yeah, bite me old 22's!), I have been wearing some 20s, but those are even getting big on me, but some are just fitting me nice, whatever... who knows what size I am. So, back to choosing sizes in ave.nue, I tell J to grab some 20s and maybe some 18s, the selection is horrible, but we load up and we head over to the dressing rooms. Damn if the 20s weren't too big and the 18s too small!!! I'm down 2 almost 3 dress sizes. huh, what?!?! does not compute in my head! ohmygosh I can't believe I can't find clothes in the good way now! Jodie goes and rounds up some more for me to try on. After about 2 dozen pairs of pants, I finally settle on 3, a pair of shorts, some tanks and a cute cherry pink top; I hand my credit card over, DENIED!!! What the heck is going on!?! The lady says that my account has been closed. That made no sense to me, so I ask her to hold my clothes and I'll come back for them (oh, with some non-expired coupons! I'm such a dumbass sometimes). So I call the company when I get home, well, I guess they closed over 2000 people's accounts by accident, they gave me a $20 credit and said that it would be re-activated on Monday. So, i guess I'll have to wait another couple of days for some new clothes.

Saturday evening
Metro had his big 3-5 b-day party a few weeks late. I had planned on just making an appearance, but I was having so many good conversations with different people that I didn't realize how fast the night was flying by. It was good to see Metro and Mrs. Metro; I saw them quickly at Runge's wedding, so it was good to spend a little more time with them. Speaking of Runge, him and his new bride came, it was great to see them also. They are so much still in the 'honeymoon' phase, it is so sweet that it is sickening! LOL.

Sunday morning
something woke me up at o'dark hundred and I had a choice of falling back to sleep or getting up and doing some stuff around the house. I chose #2 and started my day early. I made a home.depot run and thought I got all my stuff that I needed to finish hooking up all my cold working equipment (that was a nice thought... I had to make a second trip later in the afternoon). I came home, changed for the gym and hit the treadmill. I thought I would work on my breathing again. I would run until I felt like I was loosing control of my breathing, then I would ease up some, and start running again before I stopped huffing completely. It really helped, each time I would run a bit further and I would go longer before the 'out of control' feeling would come back. I was really proud of myself. I did that for about a mile or so and then called it a day.
I then hit the garage again, and started to set up the rest of my equipment with the stuff that I had bought at home.depot. I was a setting up fool... I was getting stuff up and running before I even knew it! I ran upstairs and grabbed a couple pieces of glass as a test subject and used it to check each piece of equipment out. Dang! I could be confused for a real studio. And in the back of my mind as I'm moving equipment, setting things up, etc was how much energy I had and that I didn't need to sit and recover for a few minutes. Just the ~12 lbs, eating better and days working out have really made a difference in my 'everyday' life. I was moving the hurricane boards from one side of the garage to the other and I had to check out my arms--damn, they're looking good (yeah, I know I still have a little jiggle, but they are still looking good). LOL.
After cleaning up all the mess I made setting things up, I walked to the front of the garage and looked back at things. Wow, I can't believe how EVERYTHING is coming together. How the studio is really working, how my health is changing, how (I believe) the tat is giving me the power I was hoping I could draw from it, how strong I feel, how I refuse to sweat the small stuff and how things are peaceful.
LIFE IS GOOD.

Happy 4th of July Eve! This weekend is shaping up to be a food fest. I have a 4th of July party tomorrow where everyone is bringing yummy side dishes and on Saturday I have a b-day I'm going to... I'm just going to have to take my time deciding on things and not go overboard with food.

Anywho, so I go into my closet this morning to get dressed this morning (I have so much laundry to do this weekend) and I'm staring at a bunch of clothes that I have no clue if I could wear or not. A few weeks ago I tried on a pair of jeans and then promptly hung back up because there was no way I would wear them that tight. I did get them on, they just were very uncomfortable. So, I grabbed those again this morning and put them on--holy moly, they fit! And!!!! Not only do they fit, I can actually take them off without unbuttoning them! What is up with that!?!?! I know my body is changing every day, but my gosh, it is incredible to me how much it is. You don't have to tell me I sound like a broken record, I know I do...

Happy 4th Y'all...