The Mad Happenings of a Glass Princess

So, I saw a commerical for a new Ninento DS game titled 'Mystery Case Files: MillionHeir', and it looked fun, so I bought it. OHMYGOSH. It is the most fun game EVER made for the DS.
I would write more, but I need to get back to my game... LOL

So, I think I mentioned earlier that I had a list taped to the refrig. I started some of this stuff last week, but I really went to town on it during the holiday weekend. I'm kinda bummed that I didn't finish all of it, but I did do a bunch.

Thank you Jodie for updating my blog 'look'!

I hit the gym today! I can't believe it. I had to dust off my gym card so they could scan it. LOL.

I felt really good after going, I need to do that more often.


Jodie came over and we worked in the studio for a while, she designed some pendants and I worked on my strip plate, I really want to finish that up this weekend. I'll post some pictures when I do.

Oh! and how do I manage to get up out of bed some days and function? Sometimes I wonder where my head is. So, I have this huge gash in one of my cabinet doors, I look at it every morning and every night and it drives me nuts. I hate how it looks. So tonight I was looking at it again and thinking about the handles that I'm going to put on this weekend, and it hit me! Just switch cabinet doors with the far one, and turn it upside down (they are opposite sides of the cabinet)--DUH! And so I grabbed the foot stool, and the cordless screw driver and vola! I'm not staring at a gash in my door any more--and I didn't think of this 11.5 months ago when I moved in!?!? So I say again, how do I function some days? LOL.

For the last couple of weeks, I've been having these mini conversations in my head with my mom. Yes, we all know I'm crazy, but I hope I haven't really gone over the deep end. I've been feeling a little icky lately and I've been having these 'talks' as I'm falling asleep or waking up. I usually get sad when I have dreams of my mom, but these talks have been good. Here is a glimpse...

Mom: Nicole, can you believe you are going to be WORKING FOR NASA!?! Not just AT NASA, but FOR them.
Nicole: No, I can't believe it, I never thought it would happen.
Mom: Have you called your aunt and uncle and told them?
Nicole: No, not yet
Mom: Don't you think you should. And tell them you moved too, I don't think they know that either.
Nicole: Yes mom.

Mom: Can you believe how big Kelli is? I know she broke your heart honey; you know you and your sister did the same thing to your dad...
Nicole: Yes, I know. And I now know exactly what dad always meant by it.
Mom: She still loves you.
Nicole: I know she does.

Mom: Samson is crazy
Nicole: I know, isn't it funny
Mom: Yes

Mom: Have you picked your new insurance yet
Nicole: No
Mom: Don't you think you need to do that. NICOLE! you should have had that in weeks ago.
Nicole: I have time mom
Mom: Why do you ALWAYS wait until the last minute

Mom: how is your pregnant friend
Nicole: Which one, there are many of them
Mom: oh, I don't know. all of them.

Nicole: Mom, do I make you proud?
Mom: Everyday

I feel like I'm at a huge crossroad in my life with the new job and I just want to speak with her and just talk about everything and nothing. I have been thinking of the stupid things in life that she is missing out on. Like a DVR, she would have LOVED the DVR. It would be filled with all of her soaps. A cell phone, she would have loved showing pictures on it. The kids, she would do anything for those 3.
Okay, I'm crying. And I'm getting all snotty, so I'm calling it a night.

I guess my post last night caused some controversy. I never meant to; to be honest, it was my laziness that caused the post to be so short. While I was getting ready for bed last night I was thinking if I had done something in the past (this life or another) that karma was coming back and getting me for. I was really tired and I wanted to blog, but I also wanted to go to bed, so I just threw that question out there and hit my pillow. So here is the story...

I'm having my quarterly pity party and I just wondered if I was being taught some cosmic lesson -- that the two things that I can't achieve is losing weight and being in love. I am seeing the rest of my single friends fall in love (not many of us left) and I'm getting sad. I kinda feel as if I'm the last one picked for a team in jr. high. I'm getting all nervous just thinking about it. I have visions in my head of everyone on one side of the play ground and they are pointing at me laughing cause I'm standing alone, the odd (wo)man out.

I just wish I had someone to do even the mundane tasks of life with -- have a dinner conversation, wash dishes, walk the dogs, work on the yard, wash the car, fold clothes, etc. Just to have a companion in life. There are nights I come home from work and I find myself extremely lonely and it sucks.

So my friends, that was it, that is what I was thinking about when I asked about karma. I hope I'm a good person and don't have some bad mojo following me.

Just like every other night, I'm very tired, so I'm going to end it here, but I have so many topics that are floating around in my head:
-top annoyances
-my new job vs. food
-creative fear
-my dogs rock
-christmas with my dad
stay tuned...

Do you believe in karma? I do.

The amber alert for Mr. Marbles has been canceled.
In a late night sting by the male members of the house, Mr. Marbles was caught trying to return to his cage in hopes of finding food. Although we have not had a comment from Mr. Marbles' owner, I'm sure Ms. Kelli is very happy to have her rodent back. An investigation as to how the daring escape happened is now underway and will be reported once the official report is made.

News Alert!
Mr. Marbles, the hamster belonging to Ms. Kelli, is missing somewhere in the house. At this time, authorities do not know how he was able to escape, but droppings related to Mr. Marbles were found in various locations around the house. If you see Mr. Marbles, do not approach him, call for backup and prepare for the full on assault by all members of the house to catch him. Going to the bathroom is recommended before approaching Mr. Marbles, uncontrollable laughter that might lead to pee pee accidents is a possibility as members of the family try to catch the fugitive rodent. Updates will be posted when news arrives...

Could you hear me screaming? I bet you could if you listened hard enough. I was screaming in pure frustration at my food addiction. For 35 years and a couple of weeks I've been fighting this thing and I hate it. I was doing so well, and then the hurricane and then and then and then--just all excuses. It is amazing the cycle I can find myself in; I can think about high school and college and early in my career and I can see the same patterns. I'm sitting on my bed just blogging away and I'm just shaking my head thinking of all the things that I've done wrong over the last few weeks. Last night I had dinner at Carolyn's and she introduced me to her neighbor. She was talking about how she was going to the 1/2 in SA this weekend. That just made me feel even worse since that was another goal I pissed away.

Okay, enough looking into the past. I need to look forward and take one moment at time.


I need to give a few shout outs to people and an awesome dog. Congrats to Sandy who came in 5th place in Viv's latest challenge. Yay you! Keep up the good work.

I mentioned earlier that I had dinner at Carolyn's. Well, she had a few dog people over and Brody met 3 new dogs. He was on his best behavior (we had a talk before we went--LOL). I was very, very proud of him. No growling, no curled lips, nada, nothing! He played very well, and when he was tired, he went off and laid by himself and didn't bother anyone else. I think I might over done my praise (if that is possible) cause he is super lovey with me. Tonight he curled up with me on the couch and he got an hour long belly rub and now he is on the bed with me as I blog. Just as I think he knows that I rescued him as a puppy, he also knows how much I was hurting when he bit that other dog. That options that were not in his favor were being thought about. I'm really glad I fought for him and decided to give him a quiet, stress free life with me. A young couple came to buy my old couch this weekend, they said it was okay if I let the dogs out. In the past, I would have let them say hello, but now I just told them that they were okay in the backyard and just kept going on with the sale. I don't need everyone to love Brody as much I as I love him and he is fine just looking at things from a distance. He is my first born and we'll be just fine with it being the two of us (and with Sammy).

I'm trying to fight this cold off, so I'm going to bed early. Sweet dreams friends. Love ya all!

I recieved my 'contract' with NASA today. Ohmygosh to see it all in writing is very scary; it has my start date, my salary, vacation agreements, etc. It is real. 05Jan09 is THE date.
I'm very excited about doing something new. Most of you know that I'm a big chicken shit & a creature of habit, so for me to really pick up and leave the comfort of Bld 35 and my safe zone is a huge leap for me. More than half my day is now spent working on the new project and I learn more each day and enjoy meeting new people. Doing this project reminds me of my job ~11 years ago, when I was developing new ideas for how Station was going to work. And that all came together earlier this year when the international partners joined in and I saw my ideas and hard work flowing from country to country & then to onboard. It was a amazing. The thought of seeing these ideas that I am coming up with today fly to the moon and mars is getting me excited again about work.
I just wrote a letter to two of my programmers that I've worked with for the last 7+ years; they are great programmers and even more important great people; I began to tear up as I wrote them a note explaining where I was going. I also tear up at the thought of not seeing my posse of gals in the office everyday. Most of the time we communicate via IM, but every now and again we'll meet in an office and get detail of a story that IM just can't get across. I think I will miss the one girl, who at one time I didn't want to share an office with, the most for my day to day activities. I love how I can look past my monitor and say a quick word to Sandy and then keep going with my stuff.
I'm going to end this post here, I'm tearing up again...

How is it possibly Nov 2!!! It is incredible to think how fast this year went by. I always wondered what 'adults' meant when they say they years pass quicker the older you get--I now know.

So I've been thinking to myself how much I've been missing Paranormal State on Monday nights. Last night I noticed that my DVR was recording something, so I had to take a peek cause I wasn't sure what it was, well... there was a special hour long episode of PS on. OHMYGOSH I was so happy, but I was tired, so I decided I would watch it another night.
Today was a really long day, and the chic that was suppose to come look at my couch never showed up, that kinda ticked me off, so I decided I would get my fix, sit down and watch what was taped last night.
In the first 3 minutes, I was freaking out, I made Sammy jump up and lay across me. This was the most scary episode I have ever seen and my heart was racing and every noise was suspect, I was holding on to Samson so tight and I had to pause it a few times cause I was so scared, but it was just the fix I needed. Wonder when the next episode is!?!?!
I'm so going to bed...(or at least try too)

Can anyone name the movie?

So I had the 'Software of the Year' awards thingy today. All my peeps came out to support me, it was nice to see everyone there. I got to shake the JSC center director's hand and get my picture with him, but Jodie goosed him, so I guess that trumps me. LOL. As we were all leaving, it was commented that there was no cake--what was up with that, I wanted cake! So, once again, my girls did not disappoint, they called me downstairs from console (I was worried, I really thought that something was wrong), and they had a cupcake and a turtle cookie for me. Thanks girls, that is what I needed. All kidding aside, I was really honored to win that award; I know Scott, David and I have worked really hard on IPV and to know that it is flying and all over the world is pretty cool. What is even more cool is that I'm working on the next generation of the viewer for Constellation and even though I'm in meetings all day, I really do enjoy it.
Speaking of which, the new job is really in motion now. I've filled out paper work for security, NASA management has been asking about me and USA has been 'officially' told that they are pursuing a USA employee. I usually HATE change, I run from it, but this I'm so excited about. I'll keep you informed...

Ohmygosh, this is one week that I won't forget anytime soon. I don't want to say that I want to wipe it off my calendar forever, there were some shinning moments, but there were also some very black moments. Let's see if I can recap...

Monday:
The week started out okay, nothing too exciting. I was a good day to get stuff done at work, my NASA boss had the day off because of the holiday, so I didn't have to deal with him. I did a major brain dump of all my knowledge of a program to my new backup and some newbies, oh and Sandy. I thought about it later that night and I was amazed by how much I really know. LOL, kind of funny to say since I've been doing it for 12.5 years.

Tuesday:
Had my marathon meeting at work about the new program, I enjoy them, but then again, they drain me. I ended my day with watching Lan, Jodie and Bryan had v-ball. Lan cracks me up--Bryan made Jodie a cake for her b-day and there were still candles on it, Lan made me light them 6 times so he could keep blowing them out. After that, we watched cartoons until his parents came home. Another successful night watching Lan!

Wednesday:
I started my day with dropping the dogs off at daycare--they were so excited. When I arrived, there was a 10mo old great dane girl, she was so cute and HUGE. Sammy and her took off and started playing with each other. I could have just stayed there all day!
I was on console that day, it was so-so. I'm so tired of console it is sad, I used to love going over to MCC, now I see it as a chore.
After work I went to pick up the dogs and headed home. And that is where my hell began... (I was going to recount the events, but I just can't, too difficult) the point of the story is that Brody bit the neighbor's dog and it was my & Brody's fault. The guilt was overwhelming, it still is.
I'm finding myself wanting to write about how I'm feeling and such, but I just can't. To be honest I really don't want the comments from others on it. I'm dealing with my family, the two things that are completely dependant on me and that are 100% loyal to me and love me unconditionally, something that I need desperately.

Thursday:
After a night of not sleeping, I dragged myself to work feeling horrible. But soon after arriving at work, I heard wonderful news... a close friend that has been wanting a kid for a while just found out she was preggers. I'm over the moon excited for her and I know she will be a great mom, she is always so good with all the kiddos.
I tried all day to keep it together, but I lost it at the end of the day, I had a full out, sob-fest in Carolyn's office. I honestly don't think I've cried that hard since my mom passed away. The thought of having to break up my 'family' and put Brody to sleep is overwhelming to me.
After I got home, I walked over to the neighbor's house to see how their dog was doing. He seems to be doing okay, which made me feel better, better enough to try to get some sleep that night.

Friday:
So glad the week was ending. Work was work, I got a lot done on IPV testing and made a list of the things that i needed to do for show on Saturday. Friday night I had dinner with some friends. Kevin & Bridget, John & Chrissy, Steve & Raquel and Tim--we all went to BJs and had a great time. Found out another friend of mine is peggers. The baby boom reminds me of the marriage boom of a few years ago--I guess that is the natural progression of life. Anywho, getting back to Friday dinner, I so needed that, i loved every moment of that dinner and just love those friends to death.

Saturday:
Woke up early, packed up the car and headed to do the charity art show. A co-worker of mine organized a breast cancer research show. I had some glass candle holders, glass pendants and some bracelets that Jodie help me put together. The show was small, but at the end of the day, The Komen foundation will receive ~$30 in proceeds from the sale of some items. I spent Saturday night watching some shows on the dvr and loving it.

Sunday:
Slept in late and then headed to the art show downtown. Ohmygosh did I need that. The weather was absolutely incredible today and I loved walking around the festival and taking in all the art. I freaking love art. LOVE IT. I love studying people's work, see what they do, the meaning behind it, everything. I hated going alone, but I guess that worked out best, cause I could go at my own pace and talk to the artists without bothering anyone else. I was at this one glass booth, and I was studying his work, and I saw that he had some incompatibly issues. His piece was for sale for $600, and all I could think of was the owner of that piece was going to be majorly pissed when it starts to fall. I really liked the fact that I can tell quality glass.
I ended the day with some doing some work outside in this awesome weather, and a dog walk.

Again, this week hads it ups with friends being preggers and lows with some family issues. There is so much more I want to write about, but I'm going to end it here and head to sleep. I have all these thoughts running thru my head, but I'm really finding it hard to express them all in words. And I want to share, I want to get them out, but just can't. good night.

I'm coming to you from the living room of the Rhodes' house. It is Jodie's bday on Tuesday so Bryan took her out tonight and I have a date with Lan. And my date fell asleep on me. LOL
I am counting the days, even minutes to when I see Kelli, Brendan & Caitlyn again, but I can't help to practice my Auntie Cole skills on Lan. I brought some really cool things for us to do tonight--a ginger bread spooky house kit and a pumpkin with templates and all the cutter thingys. We got about as far as the house making and then he wanted to take all the candy and go watch Tom & Jerry. Soon after, he handed me the candy bowl, put his head down and fell asleep -- oh well, I can continue the spoiling and having fun with Lan another night.

I still have not shipped off my scale to Jodie's house and still have not been able to keep myself off of it. And I'm NOT happy about the numbers that are looking back at me. I fell off the wagon, oh wait, I just didn't fall off, I jumped off and ran in the opposite direction as fast as I could. I have been eating like a piggo for the last 3 days; anything that I could get my hands on, it went in the old pie hole. I freakin' hate food. I HATE YOU FOOD.

So, I got tagged from Jodie to list 5 random things that you didn't know about me before...

1) When taking notes in college, if anyone wrote a note or doodle on a piece of paper of mine, I would freak out and have to re-write all my notes. They had to be on a clean piece of paper.

2) I won't pick up my new badge at work b/c I don't want to see my fat picture, I like my picture on my badge when I was 22.

3) In 8th grade I tried out for cheer leading, there were 10 spots and 11 girls tried out--I was the only one that didn't make it. Just another reason I'm on 'happy pills'.

4) Children really do scare me, but from a distance I enjoy watching them. It amazes me how they are little people with little personalities.

5) I always loved when my dad called me peanut, or my mom called me punky, or when Stacy would call me kiddo.

(ha, I responded Jodie--thhhllitttssstttt (that is me sticking my tongue out at you and making noises))

Years ago (I start out alot like that, don't I?), I had a pair of black pants that were the most comfortable things on this planet. I loved them, loved the waist of them, the length of them, everything about them. I soon grew out of them cause my ass got too large, so I hung them up in the closet with dreams of wearing them again one day. Stop me if you heard this story before... LOL
I came across them last night and I went to put them on. I was pretty sure they were going to fit, but I still slow putting them on b/c I didn't want to be all sad. HELL YEAH THEY FIT! And I'm wearing them today and I swear there is an extra spring in my step b/c I'm so damn happy I have my favorite pair of pants back in my arsonal of clothes. YIPPEEEE

I have started to see my therapist again. She was hit hard by IKE, her office no longer exists in Seabrook--so sad. Her new office is in a room in the back of her house, she is trying to adjust, but like all recoveries around here, things are slow. Anywho, she could not believe her eyes when she saw me, she was shocked by the inches that I have lost. I honestly get embarrassed when people comment on it, it is one of those things that you like to hear, but then don't b/c you are reminded how much bigger you were before--I'm just full of contradictions. It was really nice to hear her comments b/c she really knows how much I'm struggling with all this weight stuff, getting over demons and trying to not to end up like my mother. Most of our conversation was on my continuing struggles and how there are times I can't believe my progress, and I had to confess my addiction to the scale and how I weigh dozens of times a day. I'm leading myself down the wrong path and quickly. She has sentenced my scale to two weeks at Jodie's house with a possible extension if I continue to be bad about it. I know this is for my own good, but I don't have to like it. My scale will be walked over to the Rhodes house tonight (after I weigh).

Perspective; \pər-ˈspek-tiv\; noun : the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance.

This past weekend, I made a Home Depot run with the Rhodes family to get some stuff to repair the back fence; they also got some fertilizer and some mulch. While we were loading that stuff into the car, I looked to see how much the bags weighed. The fertilizer was a 30lb bag, all I could imagine as I heaved the bag up was that was 3lbs shy of where I am now. I was out of breath and my heart was racing after we were done loading and unloading that stuff... just a few months ago, my body was carrying that extra weight. So sad the constant strain that I put on my body every day with my extra weight.

Also this past weekend, I was preparing the brisket (~12lb) that I ended up taking over to Jodie's house on Saturday. Before I could even start cooking it, I had to cut all the excess fat off. When I took the beef out of the wrapper I saw that the under side of it had a thick layer of fat, it was nasty, so I cut and cut and cut until I couldn't cut anymore. I looked over at the grocery sack filled with this cut fat all I could think of is that is on my ass. That ~3lbs of fat takes up about 1/3 of a kroger bag. And how I've lost 9 times that amount--it is gross.

Last night, when Lan was over watching his dad and his papaw fix my fence, he would run by me and I would swoop him up and give him a razzy and then let him go again. We did this 3 or 4 times & each time he'd laugh louder and I would just hug him harder. The last time he was running towards me and I thought about how I have 'lost a Landon' in weight. I've lost the equivalent to that cute giggle, smelly piggies, bryan-resembling, bat-man loving kid. And that is incredible to me.

Yesterday I was called a liar, a bad person, someone who God will take care (and not in a nice way) and who is going straight to hell. And even though I know this guy is a little off center, you can't help but to take a mental inventory of your life and see if you really are this horrible person. I guess from his perspective I am. But I hope from the perspective of those I'm closest to that i'm not that person.

So, I guess life is all about perspective. I just hope I keep my perspective positive and don't let numbers on a scale or guilt after eating a cookie or crazy men that park their cars next to a fence during a hurricane get to me. Stay on task Nicole!

This week has been cooler in the mornings, it has been great. I've have for 3 days in a row now gotten my tush out of bed and taken the dogs for a walk before the sun has come up. They have loved every second of it and it also makes them crash for a while in the morning & my guilt isn't so bad for leaving them at home all day. So, this morning the alarm goes off and I hear the dogs stir some, I hit the snooze. The alarm goes off again, this time I turn it off and the light on. Usually they are lazy and don't really move until I open the back door to let them out, but this morning they are all excited 'knowing' what is going to happen next. I throw some clothes, grab some socks and head to the living room where my shoes are. I was shocked at the next events. Samson runs over to my shoes and nudges them both with his nose to my direction telling me "put these on Mom, NOWWWW!!!" He was dancing around them like they were gold. He was cracking me up. We had a great walk, I think that I have to do that every morning now... which is fine, cause we all need it!

Oh, another story... Yesterday was my 'carb-up day' and I decided I was going to have wings from Firehouse Wings. It was the best meal I have ever had--or at least for this week. I was telling jodie about it, she was getting mad b/c it wasn't her day; she even asked me if I had gotten sick yet and I boasted about how I was feeling good and how yummy they were. Well, I never should have said anything... I ended up burping them up all night and had heartburn, but you know what? That will not stop me from eating them again next carb-up day! YUMMMOOOO.

LOL
I spoke with Stacy tonight and she was making fun of me from last night, she said I sounded drunk--yeah, I was drunk with happiness...

So last night Jodie and I went shopping. We hit Avenue first; I knew I needed some jeans and some new tops, but I really was going after whatever they had. I really didn't know what size to tell Jodie to look for, so I guessed. I had to go back and look, but I talked about sizes on my 7/06/08 blog. I stated there that I was 2 almost 3 sizes down... well, guess what, my guess was right on and I am now THREE SIZES DOWN on my way to four!! I have to say that again, THREE SIZES DOWN! I'm shaking my head as I'm typing this. Jodie and I grabbed a ton of stuff and then the modeling began. We even had the two worker girls watching us. It was a blast, I even agreed to try on these funky pair of jeans--yes, Jo, you were right, they are very cute on me! I loved everything that I got and I want to wear it all right now, but unfortunately I can't--got a few sweaters that will have to wait until the weather gets ALOT cooler! But on the flip side, I'm going to look so cute in Chicago! After Avenue we made a quick peek into DSW, nothing really there so we headed over to Kohl's. We kinda went our separate ways for a few and then we met back up in shoes. I think we tried on every pair out there. I found some really cute boots and mary jane shoes that ohmygosh killed my feet today. Jodie found some really cute open back brown shoes--I might have to look into those when I return the devil shoes i wore today. For once I ended a shopping trip with all grins and not on the verge of tears b/c I was a moose trying to find something to wear. yay me!

I absolutely without a shadow of a doubt am happy with my progress. Slow and steady, that is how this race will be won. I know I'm at the same weight (actually 2.0 lbs less) that I was when I attempted to lose all my weight last time, but this time is so different. I'm not suffering, I'm not torturing myself trying to get to a small goal. I love this, and I know if I get my butt back into the gym that I will feel even better and become stronger too!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, thanks for the support!

With today being the first day of October, I changed my calendar over this morning. This month has pictures of the kids celebrating Halloween, there is one picture of Caitlyn in her princess costume, with a huge grin on her face. I keep catching the picture out of the corner of my eye and I think it is my mom; they are are so similar it is scary sometimes. I honestly don't know if I can have this picture up for 30 more days...

I'm sitting here trying my hardest to fight off a migraine. I've been so proud and have even boasted how well I've been feeling since eating better and losing weight. No sinus issues, no stomach issues, I really have been feeling good. But dang it if I didn't get smacked down on that one this week... I've been fighting a bad 'that time of the month'. Ugg, I hate being a women sometimes. I could have starred in a commercial for all those drugs aimed to curb symptoms... I've been like godzilla and wanting to decimate small villages, crying, bloated, achy, blah, blah, blah... the worst is the migraine. Anywho, I made an appt with the dr to do something about it, I can't do a few more months like this.

I took the boys for a walk this evening after dinner, I was hoping it would do all of us good. I really, really like my neighborhood. I was just looking at all the houses, how nice all of them are, all the kids riding their bikes, etc... I am very privileged and I should say thank you every day for that.

I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to weigh-in tomorrow. I know I have lost weight, I can feel it--and it is so freaky, I can feel my self losing, the way my gut isn't as gut-like any more, the way just my 'bum' clothes are fitting on me. I don't want to freak, I keep telling myself this is a cool thing. And I've had a few people comment, and i like hearing it, but again, it freaks me out--don't look at me. I know I need to go back to my therapist, but she is recovering from Ike, so I'm not sure when I can see her next. Just stay on task Nicole and you'll be good...

Oh, and i'm going to have postpone my dinner party, I'm so bummed. The logistics aren't going to work out right now. I think I'm going to wait a few more weeks, wait for the weather to cool down and do something outside--I have some really cool thoughts, so I think waiting is going to be the best thing.

Okay, off to bed...

OHMYGOSH! OHMYGOSH! OHMYGOSH!
I decided I needed to get to bed and had thoughts of trying to get up tomorrow and hit the gym ( Jodie ran tonight, so I need to get my butt out there too! LOL). I needed to decide what I was going to wear tomorrow so I would be prepared if my gym goal was going to happen, I'm always running late anymore for work.. I headed into the dreaded closet and I started to look at stuff. I'm in desperate need of some new clothes, my body is constantly changing and nothing fits me right. I kept turning from my pants to my shirts, back to my pants and I came across a pair of awesome black pants that I bought years ago when they were on sale as a 'motivation' pair. I had tried them on in May when I began this journey and I looked like a pig stuffed into a sausage casing. They were dreadful on me and I remember prying myself out of them wondering if I would ever get into them. Well, tonight I decided to grab them and try them on to see how far I've come, how much further I have to be able to wear them out... HOLY EVERYTHING GOOD ABOUT CRACKING. Folks, not only do they fit, I look damn good in them!!! I was jumping around, screaming, kicking, kissing the dogs, running in the living room and back and then jumping some more! I tried on about 10 shirts to see what would look best with them... I finally decided on a shirt that I've had forever... and you want the know the last time I wore it... I can distinctly remember... it was on my 29th birthday... I just had my 35th... and I'm going to look sooo cute tomorrow I'm not even going to be able to stand myself. LOLOLOL.
I honestly don't think I can go to sleep now... I'm all wound up with my bad-ass self!

(a very heart felt thank you to Jill who introduced us to this and for all my supporters out there, I know you are behind me -- watching my ass shrink.)

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while: I have plenty to say, trust me, I just don't seem to make time to do it. And the more I push it off, the more I have to say and the more I don't have time to put it all down. On a handful of occaions I have gone back and read past postings to see how I was feeling at that time, so I really want to capture everything I'm feeling... you'll hear from me soon, I promise.

So back to my 'every Monday' blog title... Every Monday night I watch Paranormal State, and every week I sit here with Sammy next to me with a pillow or my hands over my eyes. Every week I get scared and every week I love it, I want more! This show freaks me out. Catch the re-runs cause this week is the season finale (and was kinda lame)...

Pounds Lost: -24.8
Pounds to Goal: 66.2
week 1: 14May - 20May: -1.0
week 2: 21May - 27May: n/a
week3: 28May - 03June: - 6.8
week4: 04June - 10June: +0.8
week5: 11June - 17June: -1.0
week6: 18June - 24June: -1.6
week7: 25June - 01July: -2.2
week8: 02July - 08July: -0.8
week9: 09July - 15July: -0.6
week10: 16July - 22July: +1.8
week11: 23July - 29July: -7.6
week12: 30July - 05Aug: +3.0
week13: 6Aug - 12Aug: -0.4
week14: 13Aug - 19Aug: -5.8
week15: 20Aug - 26Aug: -0.6
week16: 27Aug: - 02Sept: -1.2
week17: 03Sept - 09Sept: -1.2
week18: 10Sept - 17Sept: n/a


I'm going to start the log of my new challenge, but I wanted to capture this one!

So for the last few weeks, I have been thinking about doing something 'different' for my b-day. Well, I got what I asked for... I evacuated for IKE, been hanging out at my dad's house, fought people in a grocery store for 1.5 hours as I stocked up on supplies, and had my car break down. Yeah, not what I had thought... LOL

So, after another night of poor sleep, I woke up and turned on the TV to see some daylight shots of the damage from the night before. Wow, things are not pretty, the area was not looking pretty at all. I was craving, needing info about the neighborhood. I was hoping they would turn the cameras from the Hilton to JSC, I never caught it if they did. Around lunch time I got a text from both Jodie and Danny saying that the subdivision was beaten up, but not down for the count, no flooding. Danny found out that some folks that we know stayed behind (are they crazy!?!?!) and walked around and reported that I only have some shingle damage. Not sure how many flew off, and what damage happened to the house because of it, but all I can say is that I've never been more happy to have roof damage in my life. I would have bet one of the dogs that I was going to have some flood damage, I just 'knew it'. I am so happy to say that I was wrong.

Jodie reported that she too had some shingle damage and a fence leaning over. Again, if that is the worst thing that IKE hit us with, we are very lucky.

I text Alexa to see how they were, if any water got in their house, they live in Seabrook and they got hit pretty hard. Most of the other friends have checked in, seems like we all got some minor damage. Oh! I also heard from Sandy, her family made it through the storm.

Alexa update: she just text me back, they are in Aspen. I now know everyone is safe.

Houston and the surrounding areas have a huge cleanup ahead of them. I can honestly say that my stress level went down almost immediately when I got that text from Danny. Speaking of which, he is heading back tomorrow. I text him and asked him if he would report more from my house when he had a chance. I will owe him a case of beer when I get home.

I can't really express everything that is going through my head and everything that I've seen and read and heard over the last few days. I will try over the next few posts, I want to capture all of this, but I still can't get it all out and put it down.

I'm sitting in my dad's living room watching The Weather Channel, it is 1:04am and there is a long night ahead of us.

Here is a recap of the last 72 hours or so...

Wednesday:
Had a great lunch with my girls (Jodie, Sandy (with Sage), Kim, Alexa, and Mel), most of lunch conversation was talking about evacuation, if each of us would leave and such. We were all hoping IKE would still turn some. We all are addicted to StormPulse, we now use it as a verb. LOL
I headed over to console at 2 and within a few hours things started to change for the worse, IKE decided to turn more East towards us, soon after that they announced we were under a hurricane warning and the center was beginning shut down procedures. It was mind blowing quick, it was all happening so fast. I closed up console and rushed home. Once again the Rhodes' family came to my assistance and helped me board up the house. I debated back and forth about leaving vs. staying, Chicago vs Statesboro, what to pack up vs what to leave behind. It was so overwhelming, I can't describe the range of emotions that go thru your head. I full out screamed at Joel when all he was trying to do was help give me some options. If I yelled at anyone or was rude, let me take this chance to apologize--I'm very sorry.
So I finally decided to pack up as much as could--pictures, jewelry, clothes (that still fit me) and important papers, grabbed the boyz and headed out. I turned one last time and looked at the house, said goodbye and headed to Beaumont.

Thursday:
I drove to Beaumont, leaving the house about midnight, I wanted to get out before the
mandatory evac started. I caught some very poor zzz's, got up about 7am and started for GA to my dad's house. That the wisest place for me to go, especially with my boys. It was a long 14 hours, and it didn't help that I listened to ch 247 on XM most of the way.
I arrived at my dad's about midnight. He gave me a big hug, made me some eggs, I took a shower and then hit the bed.
Whatever... I didn't sleep well at all.

Friday:
the boys got up early and had to go out. I got up with them, there was no way I could lay in bed any longer and toss & turn. I turned on the tv and saw that things were already getting ugly, the acid in my stomach churned even faster.
About 1 I just had to take a nap, i needed to lay down, my head and stomach was just killing me. I ended up taking about a 5 hour nap--it was awesome, it was the most sleep that I've had in the last couple of days. My dad reported to me that he was watching the reports and things were getting pretty bad and the storm was still hours away.
After dinner, I just had to get away and I ran over to WalMart just to clear my head. Oh! gas stations were packed here and they were already price gouging, it was ridiculous.

The saving grace of all of this is that I'm with family and that I'm in contact with friends. Jodie and I are probably 1700 miles apart, yet we still are texting and even tried to IM (LOL).

It is now 1:46am. I can't watch anymore, I'm just sick to my stomach.
Most of you know that I'm not a religious person, but I can guarantee that I will be saying a prayer tonight for everyone, for Sandy's family who stayed behind, for all of us to find the strength to return home and tackle what is waiting for us.

Okay, what city am I in? Not Houston, it is too freakin' nice outside to be Houston! I'm currently sitting outside writing this and watching the dogs run back and forth in the yard. This just might be a small slice of heaven (only if my neighbor would stop weed whacking, things would be that much better.)

I'm pooped. I had a full and busy weekend. Friday night, Lisa came over and we did some glass, we weren't going to call it a night until both kilns were full and running. Then Saturday I ran a few errands in the morning and then set up under the carport to do some cold working. I had handful of glass that needed to be polished before I slump it into forms, I had a BLAST. I love, love, love, love working on glass, it was so neat seeing each layer come off and just knowing how it is going to look so good when it is complete. And the weather could not have been nicer, no humidity, it was perfect working under the carport. The boys had a play date Saturday. Carolyn, Joe and Matteo came over and dropped Aussie off so they could all play together. We all sat down in the back and ate a quick lunch, and then the Pascucci's were off to downtown and the boys played all afternoon. Matteo is so big now, he grows every time I see him. He was getting a kick out of Sammy smelling and kissing his toes! After lunch, I got back to work, Samson and Aussie laid down in the garage while I worked, it was really cool looking back over my shoulder and just having them there hanging out with me. In my own crazy mind, it was close to perfect, art and dogs--nothing is better.
After a long day of grinding away (man, that could sound bad), I was pooped. I made some yummy turkey burgers on the grill and had a nice dinner. I really wanted to go to bed early, but I had to get stuff together for the class that I was teaching on Sunday. I started to freak when I couldn't find the supplies for one of the major projects in the class. I called Jodie for a second pair of eyes--I had to find that clay paper! I think her presence just snapped something in me, cause I found it shortly after she arrived. Landon came with her, he told me all about their day at the beach. My gosh is he getting bigger too. He is looking more like a 'boy' and not so much like a toddler anymore. He can tell you exactly what he is feeling or wants, it is really cool. Side story: I had a blast with him last Tuesday night. He had pink eye and hadn't taken a nap all day and I was really nervous to watch him, but he was so much fun. We talked and played, and went potty and put stickers on posters and raced cars and then fell asleep on the floor together. He is really a great kid and I love that I get to see him grow up. But he also makes me miss KBC more and more, I wish I had the same interaction with them.
Anywho, back to all of my art... after I finished gathering all the stuff for the class, I hit the sack, I think I was asleep before I hit the pillow, my whole body was tired.
I woke up later than I had planned (that is a common theme these last few weeks), so I was running around like a mad women before I had to leave for class. Oh, the studio I was teaching at is past Ikea... yeah, so it wasn't like it right down the road. I got there in enough time to set up and talk to the owner. I envy her studio, she has about 2500 sq feet of work space with TONS of glass all organized and glass molds that I could only dream about. Some day I want a studio like that! My three students show up shortly after I finished setting up (i was suppose to have 4, so I was a little bit disappointed that I only had 3--less $$ for me). They were nice, and quick studies, I didn't have to stop and repeat every little thing, once I showed them techniques, they were good to go... they created some really fun stuff. We broke for lunch around 12:30, we went to a very, very good Mexican restaurant, not TexMex, but real Mexican food. YUMMO. it was my free day, so I really enjoyed that meal. Class ended about 5 and then I made the trek home. I made some dinner and now I'm out here telling all of you about my weekend. Brody is now at my feet and Sammy is guarding the fence line. Yes, I think this might be close to perfect...

Man, this really was a great art weekend with some awesome weather. I could use a few more of these please. Every day doing something a bit different, but all creative. Using your mind is really exhausting... I'm going to bed early...

I promise to update soon about my WOE progress and thoughts about that... I'm just too pooped to write about it now. I'm going to hit 'Post' now and just sit out here a bit longer...

Just talked to Sandy, I was checking to see how Seth got off to his first day of school--it sounded positive!! She asked how my day was and I was just telling her that it was a typical Monday. That so small things annoyed me today, it was like someone was pickin' at me. I just want to be left alone people... LOL. Pick pick pick.

Anyway, enough of that... So, I've decided to start my week 2 over again on WOE, I just wasn't doing it right. I'm proud of myself for recognizing that things just weren't right, and instead of complaining and then ditching it, I'm starting over again. Yeah, so what, my days begin on Monday now, I'm still going to weigh on Wednesday, no biggie. Saturday night I had the worst craving for Cheerios and I gave into them. I guess it was better to give into that than a whole bag of cookies or something. They kinda gave me a tummy ache, I'll think twice before doing that again.
I'm still obsessing about stepping on the scale every time I walk into my bathroom. I'll even weigh at my 3am pee break--that is just sad and ridiculous. The scale is not moving much this week, which is fine (say that 10 more times and maybe you'll start believing it). Just saying "I've lost 21.8 lbs so far" is the most awesome thing ever. I feel so good about my accomplishment, but when the scale looks back at me with a number I don't like, I get frustrated. But I need to know that losing weight is not always going to mean that the scale moves in the downward direction. AND! AND! the thing that should really kick my butt over the scale thing is that I feel GREAT. I can tell in the way I feel, the way clothes are fitting and by sight that things are happening. Just cause the scale doesn't give me a number I like doesn't mean I'm failing. I can really tell that I'm loosing my mid-section. If girls have love handles, that is a place I'm loosing it. I can tell that my back fat rolls (yeah, sorry, that was a bad visual) are not as rolly (sorry again). I can feel my clothes hanging on me differently. All of these things are I can feel and touch, but that damn freakin' number just stares at me.
Breathe, take a Midol, and just melt away (literally)

I'm sitting here watching the men play the finals in beach v-ball, so I thought I would be productive and blog while I have it on.

So, I get a medium-sized ticker tape parade tonight... why do you ask!? Cause I was STRONG! Tonight was Bridget's b-day, we hit a this new restaurant that everyone has been raving about. It was good, but the service was horrible. Anywho... I sit down and right there in front of my plate is a basket of homemade bread and butter.
"eat me Nicole, shove me in your mouth
I calmly pass the bread to my right and didn't even think about it, and I drink my $3.50 water (yeah, that is another story). I skim the menu, knowing that I have to eat a veggie (but only certain ones) and a protein. I see they have a chicken breast on the kids menu that comes with a salad...I'm going for that one. so I ask the asshole waiter if that is what I can have. "NO!"
nb: "do you just have a chicken breast I can have"
asshole waiter "hufff, no"
nb: "pass me please"
he now has to pass kim up too cause she was going for the same thing I was.
I see they have a half chicken with spinach and MASHED POTATOES. Ugg, why did it have to be mashed potatoes!!! (picture a 2 year old rolling on the ground when I say that)
So he comes back to me, and I ask for the chicken, but I ask if I can sub the mashed potatoes for a salad.
"huffffffff, I will have to speak with the chef"
nb: "huh? I can't sub?"
"I will have to speak with the chef"
whatever jackass. So kim orders the same thing, with the salad sub. At this point, he is NOT happy. Whatever, your tip is getting less and less jerk.
So he wonders back over after about 15 minutes, "no, you can't have salad"
nb: "WHAT!, fine whatever, just leave off the mashers please"
Amr had went to the bathroom and when he got back I told what the jerk said
Amr: "I'll take care of it"
and he did, kinda, he got us double spinach, but no salad.
Anyway, the chicken came, and oh my gosh, I could have fed an army with this bird. It was very, very good, the spinach was okay, but I guess it was the company that made the dinner the best part.
I ate about 1/4 of my meal, pushed it off to the side and just chit chatted the rest of the evening.
Then it was time for desert and the waiter put the desert menu in front of me, and why I looked I still have no idea, but the deserts just sounded so good. So what did I do? I grabbed my phone and text jodie for some inspiration. LOL. she sent me back some, but I was still trying to figure out if I worked out before work tomorrow, if it would even out. But then, Amr asked for the check (I hitched a ride with them) and the look I gave was like "wtf". LOL. But I did agree that I did not need to shove that goodness in my mouth and I got a pack a gum out and ate a piece for dessert.
And I can't tell you how good I feel right now!

THEY WON, THEY WON! THE MEN WON THE GAME!!!

oh, and I made my lunch tomorrow using the chicken I brought home tonight.

Yay me... let the parade begin!
I'm marching off to bed...

Friday is really not the beginning of the weekend, but I'll start my story there...



So I reported a few days ago that I started the "Crack the Weight Loss Code" program. OHMYGOSH! I need to give a huge shout out to Jill, (Jodie's sister) who introduced us to this awesome program. I will be completely honest and say that I was very skeptical, but I have been known to be wrong; so I now I am speaking up and saying it loud--this program kicks ass! I just have so much to say about it, I don't know where to start. Just go buy the book, you'll see for yourself! I feel incredible, just with eating the correct food, I have not hit the gym in weeks. I know I shouldn't be weighing every day, but I do ( a few times a day to be honest) and I'm down 3.5 lbs in 5 days! That is insane--INSANE people. Eating the correct balance of things can completely change your body. Insane but true! So... that leads into my first Friday story:



Friday morning:

Nicole needs new bras--BAD. I look down at 'the girls' and they are barely in my bra--my bra is so big on me it is ridiculous. I need to be at work in a few minutes and my bra is HUGE. So I run to my closet and go to the reserves. I have a dresser in my closet that I have all the bras and other under garments that I've grown out of b/c I gained too much weight. So, the bras start flying as I find one that I think fits me. Success! I found one... wow, what a difference it makes when you actually wear something that fits. An amazing feeling! So I had another body change and it semi-freaked me out, I'm shaking my head.



Friday night:

Sandy and I went to the Dave Matthews Band concert. We had a blast. Friday night was the first time that Sandy was away from Sage for an evening; if she was worried about it, she hid it very well. I have been to many Dave concerts, but this one was like no other... he played the piano for the first time, Tim Reynolds was playing with the band and then he pulled out a cover of Talking Heads "Burning Down the House" and Peter Gabriel "Sledgehammer". It was incredible. It was hot, but incredible. Why in the hell do they decided to come in AUGUST. Anywho, it was fun!



Saturday:

The dogs needed their nails trimmed--badly. I had made an appt at the vet for their pedicures (LOL) and woke up early after the concert to take them. After they go that done, the tech girl tells me that Brody is due for his annual and it is important to do it because he is six now. So I tell them to go ahead and do it, the only thing waiting for me is a messy house that needs to be picked up. After they get done with him and the vet talks to me saying that his checkup was good, the tech comes back out and says Sammy's annual is due at the end of the month. UGGG, really people! You don't look at these things when I make the appt! So they take Sammy on to do his checkup. So 2 hours and $423 later, I was headed back home. I was just sick to my stomach, I was thinking it was going to be $15 & 15 minutes. yeah whatever



Saturday Night:

Had some girls over to work on some glass. Jodie came over early to talk about what things need to get done and we go downstairs so I can show her how to use the cold working equipment. (Oh! as Jodie and I were talking, I really looked at her--you can tell in her face/neck/shoulders/chest that she has lost weight--it is incredible, she is only a few days before me on the plan!) What a pain in the ass the cold working tools became. I was having the hardest time changing the belts on the wet-belt sander, my gosh I wanted to scream! But in the end we got it working and I put Jodie and Mel to work. Chrissy (such a cute belly) and Susi (our secretary at work, she is so sweet) headed upstairs with me to start to work on some projects. It was getting late in the evening and we decided it was time to order some dinner. The pregger gal really wanted pizza, the rest of us decided on mexican. The pizza arrived first, it smelled soo good, I just wanted to rip it out of her hands! Then our mexican arrived, Jodie and I got chicken fajita meat on salad with cheese and dressing (it was suppose to come with sour cream, guac and salsa too, but we took that stuff off). The salad also had a fried big tortilla shell and beans--what the hell! That wasn't suppose to be there! But we were not going let that stop us from being good, we just pulled that stuff out and threw it away. That salad ended up being so yummy and it was perfect for us! We even text about it later Saturday night, we were so proud of ourselves!



Sunday:

I ended up going to bed late, not sure why really. I woke up late this morning, but I had so much to do, I hit the ground running. I went and picked up the seed spreader from Danny and I put that Summer protecting stuff down in the front yard. My front yard is horrible looking.

After that I hit the cold working studio, I did some sandblasting, some work on the grinder, shaped some pendants on the welt belt sander and TRIED to change the blade on the wet saw. I ended up having to call reinforcements in--Bryan came over and changed it out for me. Something is up with blade, it was all weird and it would break the glass--I cut my finger pretty bad when the glass kicked back at me. If CSI ever needs a sample of my blood, they can find some in the work shop. I decided to stop that and play with the angle grinder, I got soaked, but it was so much fun. I really do love glass and I love shaping it.

I ended my day with a much needed shower and a run to the grocery store. I bought enough to get me thru Tuesday, I'll hit the store again before I start week #2.


I'm signing off for the night. Keep an eye on the weight loss tracker on the right side--I feel like it is heading more and more negative!

It has been 4018 days since I have spoken to you. 4018 times I wish our conversation lasted longer.
I miss you mom.

I'm sitting here, trying to decide if the couch is too big. I like it, but I think it just might be too big for the room. I think I need to grab my peeps and get their opinion on the set. I have 3 days to return it. Before you ask, yes I did mesaure the couch and my room, but it always looks differnet once it is in the room. I just want a new couch, I want to get rid of the cloth, I just feel like it traps the dog's scent and it really bothers me that one of the reasons friends don't come over is b/c of the smell of my house. I don't want to be stinky nicki...

good night, must go to bed...

I'd figure I'd better write before the week blows by me again and I have to catch up on 7 days worth of stuff.

Let's see...
Oh! it has been ~4 weeks now since I've kicked Samson out of the bed. Wow! Why did I not do that sooner!? It is glorious, it is the best thing ever when I'm getting ready for bed and he goes and makes his nest on the floor and I can climb in my bed dog hair free (relatively). I should have done that years ago!

Geek Moment:
Glass is the most awesome thing ever. Before I ever got into this whole glass thing, I would have said that 'glass is glass is glass'--there is no difference between a beer bottle and a Kosta Boda bowl except color--that would be an incorrect statement! There are TONS of different types of glass--they each have their own rate of expansion and contraction and it is rated at a COE level. The lower the number, the 'harder' the glass is. Example, Pyrex is COE 32--that is why you can put in the oven or on the stove top and it can take the heat. A beer bottle is probably at COE 60; Bullseye glass (what I use) is COE 90, Lisa prefers Spectrum 96 - COE 96 and the really cool Italian glass is COE 104 (very soft and melts very low). You can NEVER mix these COE numbers, they just won't play well together. They might look good at first, but over time you will get hair-line fractures and eventually the glass will fall apart. Not good if you paid lots of $$ for an art piece. (I'm getting to the point of all this, I promise). As I was cleaning up the studio the other day, I came across these set of ~9 inch clear circles. I have no memory of purchasing them and I'm very good about keeping the 90, 96 and 104 glass completely separate. If I have any doubt on a piece, I usually end up throwing it away instead of taking a chance. Well, these circles are really nice and I'm not about to throw those away, so I did a test in the kiln yesterday.
I took some 90 glass and some 104 glass and put it on a section of the circle. I knew eventually that one of the pieces would start falling apart--I was just going to wait it out. Jodie and I ran up to the studio to check out what I had put in the kiln and she was like "what is THAT?". I quickly explained my experiment (she didn't like my artistic flair) and we saw cracks in the 104 glass--I knew it was 90! So I take the piece out and we are just talking and you start to hear the glass popping--it was creating cracks, pulling apart where the two types of glass meet. I've read about this on glass websites, but I never witnessed it for myself. It was really cool to see how glass is really incompatible at times. I freakin' love this stuff.
Geek moment over.

WOE is me!
No, I'm not complaining again about something... WOE is --Way of Eating. Thru Jodie's sister I was introduced to a new book titled "Crack The Fat-Loss Code", it is a very interesting way of looking at food and how your body processes it. I've only gotten through the first few chapters, but I've learned alot already. I hope to start this plan tomorrow -- that means big grocery store run for me tonight. Having Jodie doing this also should help us both stay on track; Jodie even made some really cool cheat sheets to help guide you week by week. I'll let you know how it goes. In the mean time, pick up a copy of the book if you have a chance, it is very good!

Waiting for the phone call!
I'm waiting for the phone call telling me that the furniture guys are on their way to my house. I finally found a leather couch that I really like at Macy's. I ordered it ~4 weeks ago and it is finally on its way. I'm very excited. I will take pictures tonight and post them here tomorrow.

I'm signing off... I'm going to head home and try to beat some traffic before I get the call.

Jodie reminded me today that it has been a week since my last post. Wow, it has been a busy week... let me catch you up...

Friday-
Nothing big, just stayed home and cleaned and loved on my boys.

Saturday-
Woke up early to do the Seabrook 5K. Kim, Jodie, Mel, Sadie (a friend of Mel's) and I all signed up and were ready to run by 7:30am. Jodie's bro-in-law and nephew ran too and her sister took pics and cheered us on. Kim, Mel, Sadie and I started out walking. When Kim said that her iPod reached 1K, we decided to start to run. There were cones set up every 100 yards or so Kim and I ran to one, then walked to the next one, it was a really good system and we really motivated each other to get to the next cone. It was soooo hot out there, it had to be 80 degrees at that hour already with very high humidity. There was part of the run that the air did not move at all, it was horrible. But we all made it thru it, my time was a pitiful 47 minutes. I need to work my time before I can even think of signing up for the SA 1/2 marathon.

After the race, all of Jodie's family came to her house for a yummy breakfast. Her mom makes THE BEST french toast ever known to man!
After I ate way too much, the Ramby's and Travis came over to help install a vent fan in kiln room--yay, the room is only 100 degrees now, not 150! I crashed early that night, I was very pooped!

Sunday-
On Sunday I woke up and did a few things around the house, nothing too thrilling. I then met Kevin and Bridget for lunch down in Kemah, it was a nice visit, I haven't seen them in a while, life just goes by way too fast. I ran some errands, and then met John, Chrissy, Kev and Bridget for dinner. it was nice to see the Metro's two times in one day! When we were leaving the restaurant, the weather seemed to kick up some nasty stuff. I was driving home and I got a text message from Jodie asking if this was part of the storm that was churning in the Gulf. HUH? What? What freakin' storm in the Gulf?! I turn on the Weather channel and holy moly, there is Eduardo (stupid name by the way) just coming straight towards Houston.

Monday-
Work was buzzing about the storm--will it become a Hurricane? will it turn? will it completely wipe out Houston (okay, that one was too much), but you get the point. The center ended up closing at noon and staying closed thru Wednesday, opening back up after the storm passed.
So I headed home and started to put all my patio furniture away, along with the hose wheels, etc... so much fun to do in 100 degree weather. After all my stuff was put up, I then headed over to Jodie's and helped them finish up moving their stuff in the garage. Once we were done there, we all headed over to John's house to help him cut down some very dead tallow trees. Bryan got up on a very big ladder, hooked some rope to them and then cut them down. John and Danny held the ropes and pulled it away from the house. I'm really glad those trees are cut down, if a 'real' storm were to come thru, they could have fallen on their house. Side note, Chrissy's belly is so cute!

Tuesday-
I thought a storm was suppose to role in? What the heck is this spitting stuff happening outside? to say the storm was weak is an understatement... it missed us, but my lawn needed the rain, so I was happy. I ended the day with seeing the new Batman movie...very good by the way.

Wednesday-
Went back to work after the 'storm' to my desk a mess. Two over zealous new girls that were in charge of preparing for hurricanes went nuts on my desk. They unplugged everything from everywhere. I was pissed to say the least, the new kid saw my bad side on Wednesday. Sandy came down for lunch with Sage. He is getting so big and Sandy looks great. Lunch was kinda short, we all had a meeting to be at.

Thursday-
And that leaves today... not much going on. I hate this time of year. In one week it will be 11 years that my mom past away. I start to think of the conversations I had with my mom, what I did or did not say. I just hate it. Anywho... just take each day as it is and move forward. No looking back.

Later...

I was very happy with the number on the scale this morning, but I know it is temporary, that it is just water and that my body is cleaned out weight-loss. I'm going to try to not let it jump back up too much, but I'll enjoy that number while it lasts...

I cannot stop laughing. I'm just here laughing at myself (the dogs think I have lost it).
I just have to share...
I bought some dog food for the boys last night when I was running some errands, I hadn't taken it out the car yet and I used the last of their food this morning.
I never thought I would be living in my bathroom all day, or I would have brought it in last night. So, now the dogs are hungry as ever, driving me nuts, and I need to go get a 40lb bag of dog food out of my car.
Do I drag it across the driveway and into the house -- no not good, might rip open.
Do I get the laundry basket, dump it in there and drag that -- no too complicated.
Do I try to load up Samson like a mule and have him carry it in -- no, he's too skinny
I finally decide I'm just going to try to pick it up and carry it in the house myself.
wooo, woooo, woooo, I'm weaving back and forth, no energy from my incident today, finally I get lined up with the door and I'm heading in! Ohhh! So close -- just got the edge of the door jam. I bounce back (who knew that dog food could be spongy, or maybe its my gut), and I try to line up again and make it into the house this time. The bag gets immediately dropped and the dogs dance around it like I just brought in the best offering ever.
Great, now I have to pick it up on its end. 'Bend at the knees Nicole', I heave it up and place it against the counter. the dogs are still doing their sacrifice dance around me driving me nuts.
After opening the bag, and feed the dogs. I stand back and re-live the scene in my head and just start to laugh and laugh and laugh. I'm drunk off gatorade!
Just had to share! Thanks.
LOL

So here I am again, another day home from work, I'm beyond tired of this.
Here was my day:
Woke up like a good little girl and got dressed for the gym, I had intentions of doing a 5K on the treadmill as practice for this weekends 5K (at a minimum, I'm still walking that, dang it!). I grabbed a bottle of water, a towel and headed to my car. Once I got into the car I realized that my stomach really hurt and I didn't think that I could go to the gym. I turned the car off, went inside and then all heck broke loose! I spent my time between getting ready for work and in the bathroom. I thought everything was over so I drank a bottle of water, grabbed my bag and headed out the door.
I was at work, about to write a to-do list when I realized that I needed to get to a bathroom fast.
After that, I headed home. I know for a fact that there was nothing in my system by the time I crashed for a nap at 10:30am. :)
When I woke up, I felt better, but weak and then I had a moment of anger/frustration/sadness -- I'm tired of being sick.
So I'm standing up and declaring that I'm not taking it anymore. I will do everything to keep my mental/emotional/physical health at the best level possible. Enough said. Moving on...

So yesterday, I checked the airfare AGAIN for the weekend that Kelli is having her b-day party, the prices were obnoxious, and then I had the thought to check the prices for my b-day weekend. I almost fell of of my chair!! $238! my gosh, those are pre-$4/gallon gas prices. I jumped on the phone and called Continental to see if I could use my Seattle ticket. Yay! I could AND the best thing is that I'm receiving a flight coupon for $80 for the difference of the two tickets.
So I'm headed home, headed to see the family!!!! By the time I go, it will be just over 6mo from the last time I saw them. I can't wait to go!
My Kind of Town, Chicago is.
My Kind of Town, Chicago is.
My Kind of razz-ma-tazz and it has All That Jazz...
And each time I roam, Chicago keeps... calling me home!
(how sad is it that I can sing that song, I'll stop)

Closing thoughts:
Ms. Wayne is heading down here tomorrow for lunch, I'm determined to see her and hang out with the girls. I'll sit there and have bread sticks and water! LOL

I also want to give a shot out to Kelli who I learned today checks my blog daily. I'm a bit concerned of some of the stuff I say, so Kelli, please read with caution (I even told your mom that today, don't be mad). I love you though, and I cannot, cannot, cannot wait to see you, Brendan and Caitlyn. I miss you so much it hurts. Have a great b-day night, sorry I can't be there, but we'll celebrate both of our b-days when I get home. Hugs and kisses.

Today is definitely a Monday! I did 10 million loads of laundry over the weekend, but I had "nothing" to wear this morning. I just had to stop and laugh to keep from crying. LOL

I hit the studio this weekend. I spent most of the day on Saturday cleaning, organizing and making lists of things I still need/want. I actually didn't put anything in the kiln until ~9pm and that wasn't even very artistic--I threw a bunch of glass in a pot to do a pot melt! LOL They were a good experiment, I learned alot, I'll know what to do next time to get the amount and color combo I want. As I ate a late (very late) dinner Saturday night, I sat back and thought of all the things I want to make, I really need to get busy.

On Sunday, I hit both Home Depot and Lowes to work off some of that list from the studio. I finally broke down and bought the wet tile saw I wanted (well, kinda, I went with a lower model, I couldn't justify the one I really wanted). I didn't get a chance to break it open last night, so I plan on doing that when I get home from my day job today. I was thinking about it all last night, how much I can do with this tool. So, now that all my toys for the studio, I better start cranking out the art, the show is just a few months away!

I ended my weekend with a much needed dinner out with some friends and then falling asleep on the couch about 9ish.

oh! and I hit the gym this morning... I feel good. (I'll amend that statement tomorrow when I are feeling it)

I feel sooo much better today, my eye is normal size, it still feels like there is something in there (like an eye lash or something) but the pain has gone away. The drops sting for a few minutes after I put them in there, but I can live with that compared to the pain I was experiencing.

As you can see, I'm up 1.8 lbs for the week. I'm not going to freak out about it, I'm just going to accept it and move on. Oh! I did something drastic today... I canceled my WW subscription and joined CalorieKing.com. Jodie found it and I really like it. The database is alot larger than WWs is, and they track everything for you. It even tracks your measurements to see if you are losing inches, but gaining muscle. Check it out!

Things are going very well on the Samson exiled from the bed front. Last night I had to tell him only twice (in the span of 2 minutes) to go lay down on his bed... once he really got settled, he didn't move the rest of the night. I have no clue what to do with myself with the whole bed. I can actually feel how the mattress is lower on one side from me sleeping on the right and the dogs on the left. I need to flip my mattress! I really hope this continues to be this easy; I know that I will continue to work at keeping them off of my bed.

So, I have been having some very odd dreams over the last couple of weeks; all of them involving my mother. Last night I was dreaming that my parents moved back into the house I grew up in Chicago and decided to retire there. I came in and decided to completely renovate the basement--I was going to pull down the paneling, pull out built-ins and put all new flooring in. We were going to make the place a that my dad could hang out in. My mom was telling stories as I was taking measurements, stories of things that we used to do down there when we were kids. We were also going thru old photo albums that managed to stay where we put them after 20+ years of not living there--it was all dream-like weird. But talking to my mom and just having her around left me with the best sense of comfort as I slept. I could feel that I was at peace--does that make sense? I was dreaming and in a deep sleep, but I also felt warm and loved. I have to admit, I'm enjoying these dreams of my mom, but they are also making me sad cause they are not real. I would do just about anything to call her up and tell her all about how I was make the old basement an awesome place. I can hear her laughing...

So, here I am again, sitting at home, not at work b/c I'm not feeling well. I'm sick of being sick.
This all started a few weeks ago when my prescription for a common allergy medicine ran out. I was just too lazy to go pick it up on time, it was filled for me automatically and it was just waiting for me. After a few days without it, I noticed I was getting bad headaches in the afternoon, sinus headaches. I even skipped out on a local baseball game cause my head was killing me so bad.
Those headaches soon turned into painful pressure in my forehead, and dizziness--my sinuses were packed with no relief in sight (it was very similar to how I felt in Germany). I went to the Dr on Thursday, she told me what I needed to use to start draining and I went on my way...
The medicine worked almost immediately, I was draining and the pressure in my head was going away.
Saturday morning I woke up and my left eye was H U G E! I immediately thought somehow I caught Jodie's or Samson's (LOL) pink eye. I was pissed. As the day went on, it looked more and more like I 'only' had a sty and not pink eye. My eye was still hurting tho and nothing was really making it feel better. This whole time, I also continued to take my medicine and was draining very nicely, headache all gone :)
Sunday the eye wasn't any better, I was being a semi-baby; I wanted to be full baby, my eye was killing me--bad. I decided to head to the eye dr. monday morning. I also decided to kick Samson out of my bed. I had no idea if this eye issue was due to him and his 'walking' hair, so I was done with it all. I knew it was going to be a long night keeping Samson off of my bed.
...and a long night it was. Samson kept trying to get on the bed and I had to get up and keep pointing him to his nice comfy bed on the floor. And this whole time, my eye was killing me.
I called first thing Monday morning and they were able to see me. The first question the Dr asked me after quickly looking at my eye was "have any sinus issues lately"
nb: ummmm, yes (and I explained how I felt the previous week)
dr: I can tell that you don't have pink eye or a sty, but let's look anyway
nb: k
she proceeds to put some yellow stuff in my eye to see if I had an eye scratch, fun for me.
dr: okay, you have an eye infection from your sinus drainage. You drained via your tear ducts, it got in your eye, and became infected.
nb: say what?!?! As Max says "it is all connected"
so she ends up giving me some drops and sends me on my way.
I ended going back to work, but then left soon after that...
And today I woke up with a fever and my eye killing me worse than this weekend.
I called the eye dr and she said that my eye was pretty bad and that I didn't have enough time for the drops to take effect yet--yeah, she didn't tell me that the morning before.

so, let's add this all up:
$15 co-pay for regular dr.
$40 for eye dr
$ 5 for eye drops
2.5 days off from work...
wow, what was the lesson here... get your damn prescription filled on time and take the damn tick-tac sized pills on time. NOT THAT HARD NICOLE!!!
am I pissed... yes, I'm very pissed.

Oh! and I took this lovely opportunity to eat whatever I wanted--comfort food if you'd like. Can't wait for tomorrow's weigh in...
Okay, its wednesday tomorrow, time to regroup and be good again. Not worth throwing weeks of work away or my life.
Come on Nicole, get it together...

Jodie and I -- two peas in a pod, thicker than thieves, Abbott and Costello...
ended up going to the Dr at the same time yesterday and we even went in the same room--they just laughed at us at the Dr. office.
On the drive there, we barely said two words to one another, I don't think we have ever been more silent around each other E V E R. After a long wait, we finally got called back.
Jodie was examined first, the Dr said she was really sick and then looked at me like
"you're going to be like this cause you two hang out together"
NB: "no thank you, just give me drugs and let me go back home and go to sleep"
Jodie was enjoying being up on the table where she could lay down, but I had to kick her off so I could be looked at. The Doc looked in my left ear and said "there are some dark hairs in there, like something was pushed in with a (and she made a Q-tip motion)". She then looked in my right ear and said I had the same thing in that ear as well.
The look on Jodie's face was priceless, she was thinking the same thing I was... SAMSON HAIR!
Yes folks, I have Samson hair shoved deep into my ear. And every time I think about it or picture it, I get so grossed out. I love that dog, and yes he is everywhere, but now he is truly EVERYWHERE and I don't like it.
The Doc recommended that I put a cap full of Peroxide in my ear to flush it out. Screw that, I went for the big guns last night--I have a leftover syringe from cough medicine, I loaded that thing up and put it in my ear. It sounds like Snap, Crackle and Pop are in my ear having a dance off, but who gives a flying fig, I want his hair out of my ear and like now. Last night he was trying to snuggle up next to me and I could think was his hair sprouting legs and crawling in my ear--yes it it gross, but those were my thoughts. (I just shivered again).
I'll let you know when I have successfully evicted Samson from my ears!

Sorry it has been a couple of days since I've blogged, work was crazy for a few days and yesterday I was sick little gal--my sinuses were so packed with yuck that I had to go see the Dr. Drugs are the best thing E V E R! I'm finally draining again and I no longer want to drill a hole in my face and drain it that way. (it really was becoming an option, I even looked at drill bits to see what size would be the best one--LOL)

So, I went to my therapist appt on Tuesday, I printed and brought along my post from the other day... She found it very interesting. "she could see what my 'issue' was"
The phrase "I hate that girl" said it all to her, that I've got some inner girl that allows these feelings to push outward and make me feel so bad. It sounds like a lot of fluff, but her words and the exercises that we did really did help. I don't think we have even scratched the surface of my deep seeded issues, things came out of my mouth that I didn't even know bothered me--there is a lot festering under the surface and I need to keep shaking things up to let it all out.
So, with that and my weight loss decreasing every week, I need to regroup and refocus. I've strayed too far from the big picture. Time to pull in support from my friends, dig in deep and keep working on this new lifestyle. I appreciate your continued support and words of encouragement, they mean more than I can explain.

Here is to being a continued loser!

This is a huge shout out to my sistas who have supported me over the years. I love you all. I guess my post the other day freaked some people out -- including me. I just re-read it and wow was I in a bad place the other night. I honestly feel better and I'm even determined more to stay in the 'good place' due to some messages I have received.

I hadn't spoke with Kristenia since she left a few weeks ago, so I picked up the phone and called her today just to catch up on things. And she is just the best. She asked me how I was doing and then gave me the best words a scared girl could hear. I've known her for my whole adult life and she has never let me down, so I know I need to listen to her now more than ever.
Thank you Kristenia, I really appreciate your support and love. I wish you lived closer.

Right before I sat down to open my blog, I checked my email and I had one Kate. She was emailing me from the Dave Matthews Concert (so jealous!) and dropped a few quick lines about how she has my back and to keep moving forward. Another one I wished lived closer.

And the most incredible thing happened this morning. I believe by now you know that I'm kinda afraid of kids, that they freak me out and I don't know how to handle them. I love K B & C so much that it hurts sometimes thinking how far away I am from them, but today my heart grew a little bit more cause of another little guy.
I went over to Jodie's house this morning to see if she wanted to hit the gym. Her and Lan were sitting on the chair just watching cartoons and hanging out. I sat there for a while and I was getting Lan's piggies and such and then I said I was heading to the gym.
Lan: "I go gym too"
We laugh at him and Jodie says jokingly
JR: "wanna go to the gym with Ma Cole"
Lan: "yes"
JR: "well, let's get dressed"
and Lan starts allowing jodie to put his clothes on. Now this is a big deal folks, J & B have been fighting with him for weeks about putting clothes on, the kid would rather be naked. After Jodie gets his clothes on, he grabs his shoes, gets those on and then grabs my hand (sigh).
JR: "you going with Ma Cole?"
Lan: "yes"
now the thought of this kid leaving his mom (he is NOT a mama's boy, but he just loves being around her) and going with me just because he wants to is quite amazing. And the whole time is his holding my hand and leading me towards the door like him and I are going somewhere. Jodie ends up getting up and putting her shoes on and decides that while he is dressed that they will hit the grocery store. So, after jodie puts her shoes on, he grabs her hand and my hand and we all walk out the door. Now another thing that Lan is not keen on is anyone putting him in or out of his car seat unless you are his mom or MaDee; but today he let me put him in there and buckle him up and we were watching ScobbyDoo together. I just was shaking my head.
That kid melted my heart today, he doesn't even notice that kids freak me out, he just loves me back. I tell him that I need to move my car and I'll see him later and he proceeds to lean over to give me a kiss... yeah, I've fallen for him, he's got me...